Only Theo Panayides Has Wings

This is a blog about Theo Panayides, the cyprustician online critic that writes reviews of movies old and new on his website ( He is very good. In fact, he is awesome. It is also an exercise for my english-writing abilities, as I'm from Brazil.

Location: Goiânia, Goiás, Brazil

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Houston, We Have A Problem

Wasn't planning on posting here today (was preparing a stupid essay on whatever, which will be comming soon), but some recent news caught me right off guard.

First of all:

"No updates for a couple of weeks, since I'm off to Houston for a few days (not to watch, but to be watched); normal service hopefully to resume in the first week of May."

And then...

Malgaat - Drama - 19:40 - 35mm - CYPRUS- Theo Panayides, Director


YAY for Theo! Oh, man, that is such good news. I don't know if this is Theo's directing debut -- I know he was into screenwriting -- but it's the first I heard of it, and it's definitely very exciting. I always wondered when these uber-hipster-pathological-cinephiles were actually going to start making the darn things. I have no idea what "Malgaat" may be about -- I tried googling it and came up with "Seahorse Films" and the Houston Festival site, and that's it -- but sounds very cool. I mean, look at the competition:

Magic Circle - Drama - 6:00 - DVD - UNITED KINGDOM - James Brailsford, Director - ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Yeah, whatever.

A Beautiful Life - Drama - 20:00 - DVD - USA - Kenneth R. Williams, Director - Uuuuuuh... No thanks.

The Silent Question - Drama - 16:13 - DVD - UNITED KINGDOM - Steph Busby, Director - No.

Now You See Me, Now You Don't - Drama - 29:55 - 35mm - HUNGARY - Attila Szasz, Director - I'll never you see you. Thanks.

The Good Daughter - Drama - 6:00 - DVD - USA - Curtiss Bradford, Director - Stay away from me.

The Porcelain Pussy - Drama - 15:00 - 35mm - CANADA - Denise Blinn, Director - Ok, this does sound mildly interesting, but it's no Malgaat.

I also noticed that Theo's masterpiece (c'mon, you know it is; it's like an 85, already) is scheduled in the "Shortly Strange" category. Hmmm, shortly strange. I like strange. It makes me giddy. Yo, Theo, be sure to try and upload the movie to the internet so we can all download it and be astounded.

And he shot on 35mm, so maybe there was some independent company backing it or something... I don't know. I wish I could know more about it. Plot details, language, etc.

Maybe someone could provide a link to this mysterious onlike geek chat group he hangs out (I don't believe it's a_film_by) so I can fish for information.

Btw, thanks Theo and Jason for linking. And it's not silly, but I can understand the "I-have-an-awesome-website-and-I-made-Malgaat-so-now-I'm-all-kinds-of-badass-not-just-one-kind" modesty.

PS: Theo downgraded "Not On The Lips" back to a 73. Now I'm positive he's just fucking with me.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Whoa, Weird Activity

Hiya, I'm back.

So, I noticed that Theo saw "Memories of Murder" and "Not On The Lips" yesterday and gave them 75 and 73, respectively. So I thought, "Hey, nice movie-going-thingy day for Theo and etc". But then, as my buddy Khansc pointed out (buddy? that sounds gay), today he upgraded both movies by exactly one point...






Did Theo have a headache or a dissapointing experience yesterday that caused him to slightly underrate both films? Or, maybe, he had such a nice day yesterday that the movies seemed less fulfilling by comparison.

Alternatively, maybe he was so bummed out by the Nazi Pope that he realized the importance of cinema in these days. Or, maybe, Selma Blair gave him a blowjob which put him in a generous mood and he proceeded to upgraded his recently seen films. (though I cannot confirm if Selma Blair actually is in Cyprus).

But that still wouldn't explain such precise simmetry in the upgrading. Maybe he found out about this blog and is trying to toy with my mind. Nice try, Panayides.

Anyway, I haven't seen either film.

I also noticed that Vadim Rizov posted my blog url on his blog; good going, buddy. It also appears (although I might be mistaken) that Jared Sapolin left a comment on the last post.

I quote Mel Gibson in "Signs": It's happening.

Oh, yes, almost forgot...

Theo-Related Quote of the Day
"Theo's so badass I opened his website, don't know what for, kept staring at it about 30 seconds, then closed." - Khansc

More interesting things coming up this week.

In other news, the love child of Anthony Hopkins and Robert Blake has been elected the New Pope.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

A-hoy! - An Introduction

As you may have already noticed, this is a blog about the latest adventures of Theo Panayides, the courageous. I also think it would be of interest to his fanbase to have a place where they can share thoughts, opinions and criticism on this most fabulous critic, Theo Panayides. There has never been such a place, and the fans, I imagine, are growing restless from holding back to themselves their enthusiasm (sp?) about Theo. And obviously he has such an enourmous (sp?) fanbase, so a place like this could be useful.

He's huge in Brazil, and here we enthusiastically (sp?) comment on his website's updates as much as we comment on the films themselves. For example, yesterday I was buying a ticket for "The Ring 2" and a complete stranger also buying a ticket by my side came up to me and said "Dude, like, why are you buying a ticket for "Ring 2"? Theo gave it a 39!" and I was all "He did? I was not aware of that. Do you remember what grade he gave "Hitch"?" and the stranger was all "If I'm not mistaken, it was a 56 [alas, he was mistaken, it was a 53. Fucker.]" and I was all "That sounds manageble (sp?), entertaining but not particularly successfull, nonetheless still worth catching, as Theo's 56 usually is."; but I didn't actually see "Hitch", because my friend wanted to get drunk so he called me and we went to the bar, but I'll catch it eventually.

And that's one of many many many cases of Theo's social presence in Brazil.

An example of a fan of Theo in Brazil: Pelé.

I hope Theo won't get mad at me for doing this. I know he's all jolly and nice and friendly and jolly (he was born in late-60s Cyprus , for God's sake. You can't get any jollier than that), so I hope he will take it well. (although I heard Jeremy Piven sued a fansite that had pictures of his penis, so anything can happen).

Another reason I'm doing this is because I feel like I should improve my writing abilities in english, with the Globalization and all, and this would be a good exercie. I also write screenplays, but I won't write them in english, cause then you would be pushing it (every character would sound rigid and pretentious like this). I can, though, write some cool 40's-style Hawksian banter. Check this out:

(a conversation I had with a friend on MSN after I'd just seen "The Sweet Smell of Success")

[18:09:52] Folco: dont you get me, son. We're running a company
here. It's not your mamma's bake sale. You gotta take it
like a man!
[18:11:19] Folco: Practice? I'm in for the real deal, kiddo.
[18:12:19] Folco: You're gonna get me working overtime!
[18:13:15] Buster Keato: If "real deal" means "lazy attempt at
sounding clever", you're in for a trophy, champ.
[18:14:01] Folco: No, real deal means getting your ass out of
the bed and getting some work done, you lousy piece'a shit,
[18:15:11] Folco: In this town, you gotta make a living one way
or another, and you're neither way in, if you know what I'm
[18:16:07] Folco: dear christ, kid, you're slower than a Dingo
kid from New Jersey trying his suit on for the bar mitzvah
[18:18:17] Folco: You make as much sense as my lawyer in a coke
binge trying to catalougue the dictionary per vowel
[18:18:59] Buster Keato: Don't get me started on lawyers.
[18:21:13] Folco: I'm not a scoundrel or a loose-shoe, the best
of the best is good enough for me
[18:21:48] Folco: Now excuse me while I go make a buck
[18:22:09] Buster Keato: You don't know the meaning of "best", mister
[18:22:54] Folco: The best is walking into your house, stepping
on your Fanira sleek carpet and not worrying about getting
mud on it.
[18:23:36] Buster Keato: The day you get a Fanira sleek carpet is the
day monkeys start flying
[18:24:16] Folco: Well, Jack Francis is moving up the
corporate ladder on Falco's business, so that's one monkey
[18:24:38] Folco: And when I bust your guts, it's another
[18:24:44] Buster Keato: One monkey too much, that is
[18:27:06] Buster Keato: Mark my words: for you to bust my guts I will
have to be stone-cold in a metal bed, open form neck to
[18:27:39] Buster Keato: Then you can take my guts out and go to town

(feel the potential? I can also do 'ebonics' but that's a whole other story)

Still, I feel like I can improve more by practicing here every once in a while, so I'll give it a shot.

Oh, I'm also a cinephile.

So that's about it for now. Let's see when Theo updates the website.

PS: I did end up seeing "The Ring 2" and gave it an 18, which proves that following Theo's advice can be awesome.

PPS: Remember when Theo used to write all those occasional essays? That was awesome.


One, Two, Three (Billy Wilder), testing...