Only Theo Panayides Has Wings

This is a blog about Theo Panayides, the cyprustician online critic that writes reviews of movies old and new on his website ( He is very good. In fact, he is awesome. It is also an exercise for my english-writing abilities, as I'm from Brazil.

Location: Goiânia, Goiás, Brazil

Saturday, April 16, 2005

A-hoy! - An Introduction

As you may have already noticed, this is a blog about the latest adventures of Theo Panayides, the courageous. I also think it would be of interest to his fanbase to have a place where they can share thoughts, opinions and criticism on this most fabulous critic, Theo Panayides. There has never been such a place, and the fans, I imagine, are growing restless from holding back to themselves their enthusiasm (sp?) about Theo. And obviously he has such an enourmous (sp?) fanbase, so a place like this could be useful.

He's huge in Brazil, and here we enthusiastically (sp?) comment on his website's updates as much as we comment on the films themselves. For example, yesterday I was buying a ticket for "The Ring 2" and a complete stranger also buying a ticket by my side came up to me and said "Dude, like, why are you buying a ticket for "Ring 2"? Theo gave it a 39!" and I was all "He did? I was not aware of that. Do you remember what grade he gave "Hitch"?" and the stranger was all "If I'm not mistaken, it was a 56 [alas, he was mistaken, it was a 53. Fucker.]" and I was all "That sounds manageble (sp?), entertaining but not particularly successfull, nonetheless still worth catching, as Theo's 56 usually is."; but I didn't actually see "Hitch", because my friend wanted to get drunk so he called me and we went to the bar, but I'll catch it eventually.

And that's one of many many many cases of Theo's social presence in Brazil.

An example of a fan of Theo in Brazil: Pelé.

I hope Theo won't get mad at me for doing this. I know he's all jolly and nice and friendly and jolly (he was born in late-60s Cyprus , for God's sake. You can't get any jollier than that), so I hope he will take it well. (although I heard Jeremy Piven sued a fansite that had pictures of his penis, so anything can happen).

Another reason I'm doing this is because I feel like I should improve my writing abilities in english, with the Globalization and all, and this would be a good exercie. I also write screenplays, but I won't write them in english, cause then you would be pushing it (every character would sound rigid and pretentious like this). I can, though, write some cool 40's-style Hawksian banter. Check this out:

(a conversation I had with a friend on MSN after I'd just seen "The Sweet Smell of Success")

[18:09:52] Folco: dont you get me, son. We're running a company
here. It's not your mamma's bake sale. You gotta take it
like a man!
[18:11:19] Folco: Practice? I'm in for the real deal, kiddo.
[18:12:19] Folco: You're gonna get me working overtime!
[18:13:15] Buster Keato: If "real deal" means "lazy attempt at
sounding clever", you're in for a trophy, champ.
[18:14:01] Folco: No, real deal means getting your ass out of
the bed and getting some work done, you lousy piece'a shit,
[18:15:11] Folco: In this town, you gotta make a living one way
or another, and you're neither way in, if you know what I'm
[18:16:07] Folco: dear christ, kid, you're slower than a Dingo
kid from New Jersey trying his suit on for the bar mitzvah
[18:18:17] Folco: You make as much sense as my lawyer in a coke
binge trying to catalougue the dictionary per vowel
[18:18:59] Buster Keato: Don't get me started on lawyers.
[18:21:13] Folco: I'm not a scoundrel or a loose-shoe, the best
of the best is good enough for me
[18:21:48] Folco: Now excuse me while I go make a buck
[18:22:09] Buster Keato: You don't know the meaning of "best", mister
[18:22:54] Folco: The best is walking into your house, stepping
on your Fanira sleek carpet and not worrying about getting
mud on it.
[18:23:36] Buster Keato: The day you get a Fanira sleek carpet is the
day monkeys start flying
[18:24:16] Folco: Well, Jack Francis is moving up the
corporate ladder on Falco's business, so that's one monkey
[18:24:38] Folco: And when I bust your guts, it's another
[18:24:44] Buster Keato: One monkey too much, that is
[18:27:06] Buster Keato: Mark my words: for you to bust my guts I will
have to be stone-cold in a metal bed, open form neck to
[18:27:39] Buster Keato: Then you can take my guts out and go to town

(feel the potential? I can also do 'ebonics' but that's a whole other story)

Still, I feel like I can improve more by practicing here every once in a while, so I'll give it a shot.

Oh, I'm also a cinephile.

So that's about it for now. Let's see when Theo updates the website.

PS: I did end up seeing "The Ring 2" and gave it an 18, which proves that following Theo's advice can be awesome.

PPS: Remember when Theo used to write all those occasional essays? That was awesome.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is dangerously close to the edge of obsession.

Seek professional help, in my opinion.


6:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shut up and shop, V.


6:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If anyone deserves a blog about his greatness it is Theo. However, his being only 58 on Head-on is lame.
- J

11:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i would have done this if someone had not. thank you m. folco.

5:27 PM  

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