Only Theo Panayides Has Wings

Fake Theo Interview

2006-11-15T05:45:00.000-08:00

The TheoBlog has been given the opportunity to conduct a fake interview with critic extraordinare Theo Panayides, of the small island of Cyprus. We talked to him about his life, his passion for movies, and his current projects, with very interesting results.

We met in the quiet lobby of a hotel in Cyprus, ordered coffee, and began the interview:

TheoBlog: Theo, thanks for sharing a bit of your busy schedule to talk to us. We were looking forward to this interview.

Theo: Right.

TheoBlog: Let’s start from the beginning. Tell us about your childhood.

Theo: [pause] ...Is this a joke? That’s such a bland question.

TheoBlog: ...Uh...

Theo: I give your question a 35.

TheoBlog: I’m sorry.

Theo: That’s out of 100.

TheoBlog: Sorry…

Theo: …

TheoBlog: …

Theo: I was born in Cyprus; a small island. My father had a large hyena farm. On the weekends, he traveled to the city, drank vodka and slept with whores. My mother never knew. She was a housewife. I went to public school in the morning and took care of the hyenas in the afternoon. I had to feed those hyenas. I slept with a whore when I was 14 years ol--

TheoBlog: Okay--

Theo: She was an oriental. She had supple legs. I paid her 20 dollars.

TheoBlog: That’s enough, thank you.

Theo: I loved that whore.

TheoBlog: Theo, when did your fascination with movies begin?

Theo: I was thirteen when Tootsie came out. It changed everything.

TheoBlog: [pause] Could you tell us a little bit more about that?

Theo: Yes. Let me take out my notebook and see what I wrote about it.

[Theo opens his briefcase and takes out an old notebook; finds a particular page and reads it]

Theo: “Tootsie. Oh, Tootsie. My wonderful Tootsie. Why are you so full of joy and emotions? Why do you make me laugh so? I have learned so much about life because of you. About men and women, and what brings them together. You truly shine. 67.” [he closes the notebook] Next question.

TheoBlog: You wrote that when you were fourte—

Theo: Next question.

TheoBlog: Okay… I understand you have a movie in the making.

Theo: It is called The Malgaat. It is about my childhood experiences; a coming-of-age picture. It features a hyena farm being invaded by Pauly Shore, and Lucy Liu as a hooker with a heart of gold. It has sex and violence and laughter. It’s about the life in Cyprus, but also a metaphor for the post-9/11 world. I’m currently trying to contact KT Tunstall of the perfect pop-nugget “Suddenly I See” to do a theme song for this picture.

TheoBlog: When is it going to be released?

Theo: I have not yet began shooting this picture. So I can’t answer that. But it will be done. It’s actually a trilogy.

TheoBlog: A trilogy?

Theo: Yes, like the hobbit pictures. The second part is gonna be called The Malgaat Reincarnate and the third part is gonna be called The Malgaat Reverberations. It’s gonna be awesome.

TheoBlog: Could you tell us about your experience in being a film critic?

Theo: Oy. It is truly annoying. You see a picture, then as soon as you come out of the theater you think “Zorba! I’m gonna have to write a review about it!”. And then you put the little rating in, then you write the goddamn review, and then you add the film to various lists and logs, and then some random internet nerd writes you an e-mail saying “Hey why did you give that rating to that movie you fuck, you fucking greek” and then I have to respond with an explanation while appearing polite. And then the end of the month comes and I don’t even get a paycheck. Truly awful. Awful.

TheoBlog: Do you plan to continue being a film critic if you become successful as a filmmaker?

Theo: [Theo laughs] God, no.

TheoBlog: Did you have any other jobs?

Theo: Yes. I worked as an attorney for a couple of years. Then I started a band in Cyprus. The band was called Repulsive Rodents. We had a single called “My Kind of Gal” which was a success in Cyprus, but the album flopped. So we quit a year later. Then I worked at a bakery for a few years, then I started my website.

TheoBlog: What finally led you to starting it?

Theo: I was trading e-mails with Mike D’Angelo, an american film critic who had started his own page back then, and he said it was a great way to meet women.

TheoBlog: So that was the sole reason?

Theo: Yes. I wanted to have intercourse.

TheoBlog: Ok… Our time is nearly up, so we’re gonna ask just a few more quick questions. Like, what’s your favorite city?

Theo: London. I lived there for a couple of years. Great place.

TheoBlog: Favorite childhood memory?

Theo: My father gave me a silver watch when I turned twelve. I was very pleased.

TheoBlog: Favorite cussword?

Theo: You motherfucking whore.

TheoBlog: What’s your fav--

Theo: Bitch. Cunt. Fucking bitch. You cocksucking fag. Motherfucker. Cock.

TheoBlog: Wha--

Theo: I wanna fuck you up the ass.

[pause]

TheoBlog: …What’s your favorite song?

Theo: Perfect pop-nugget “Suddenly I See”, by KT Tunstall.

TheoBlog: What would you want God to tell you when you arrived at the pearly gates?

Theo: “What? 55 for The Conversation?!” [Theo laughs uproariously]

TheoBlog: …

Theo: I would want him to tell me that I was a great man, and changed many people’s lives.

TheoBlog: Which celebrity do you have a crush on?

Theo: KT Tunstall of the perfect pop-nugget “Suddenly I See”.

TheoBlog: Favorite quote?

Theo: I knew you were gonna ask that question, so I memorized one: “Let it all dissolve. Let the films bleed into each other, let my mind go blank. Let the future feed upon the moment, like the wild dogs at the end of La Vie Nouvelle. Let it all go wrong. I was happy here and now.”

TheoBlog: That’s beautiful. Who said it?

Theo: Theodorus Panayides. [smiles]

TheoBlog: Oh. So you’re quoting yourself?

Theo: Who else? [giggles]

TheoBlog: Ok, that about does it. Thank you for your time.

Theo: Right.

Slacking

2005-11-18T15:34:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry for the lack of updates. I'm studying for my SAT(Brazillian edition) which is happening next week, Sunday, 27.

But what's more important is that there's a music festival Saturday, a day before the SAT, where SONIC YOUTH, THE FLAMING LIPS, IGGY POP and NINE INCH NAILS are playing. Yes, it will be unspeakably awesome. It's probably not a good idea to go to something like this a day before an important test, but then again, you know, there's always, obviously, you know... No, there's no excuse. It's a bad idea. I'm being irresponsible. But put yourself in my situation: would you miss it?

Soon after this, the Theo-worshipping will resume.

EDIT: Oh, yes, special thanks to Enid who already bought me the tickets and will acompany me in this magical journey through the world of indie rock and etc.

Day 5 and 6 of the SPIFF

2005-11-04T04:45:00.001-08:00

I went to this somewhat quasi-fancy bar in São Paulo, and they showed cheesy 80's videos at a TV on the corner, with stuff like The Police (Don't stand so, don't stand so, etc) and Alphaville and A-Ha and etc playing. Then I was at a cab going to a theater, and the cabbie, in his 50s, was listening to an old Depeche Mode song on the radio, and boy was he digging it. He was practically dancing as he was driving the car. During my time there, I saw at least seven girls wearing the cool mullet haircut of Jane Fonda in KLUTE (which I understand is 70's but still felt like 80's) and I gave a friend of mine an illegal copy of NAPOLEON DYNAMITE (a movie with an 80's feel), and she gave me a CD of Franz Ferdinand's (weak) new album, "You Could Have It So Much Better", which is basically an 80's rip-off, and which the second track, "Do You Want To", is so 80's it almost hurts. I saw two movies that were entirely or partially set in the 80's, THE SQUID AND THE WHALE and MYSTERIOUS SKIN.

What does it mean, etc.

Anyway, we skipped PEACOCK and rented FUNNY GAMES, because we were in a Haneke mood. Turns out this one is an 84, pretty much Haneke's masterpiece. A friend who saw PEACOCK really liked it, and it won the Directing and Cinematography award of the SPIFF, so I guess we could have picked a better one to skip. But I don't mind. And then...

Day 5

THE SQUID AND THE WHALE (78): Turns out this one is way better than I was expecting. A François Truffaut film with a sharp, intelligent, agile script. It really does feel like a Truffaut film, the way it skips through the narrative with a fast pace, most scenes under 1 minute, like small glimpses of various small moments of the family's lives forming a bigger picture, and Baumbach really shoots it like a Nouvelle Vague picture: hand-held, sharp cutting, with the occasional jump-cut (and a funny jump-cut joke), the way it crystallizes a moment like when Anna Paquin touches Jesse Eisenberg's hair, cutting to a close up of the touch, acknowledging it's significance to the character and turning into a Moment. It's awesome. The detail in this is incredible, so much so that I can't imagine Baumbach not going through the events of this movie. It feels autobiographical, whether it was or wasn't. Little stuff like Laura Linney pulling skin from her lips, Owen Kline asking his dad for money to buy something, then getting there and not having enought (having to go back and get more), kids learning new words ("philistines"), the first time getting drunk, that awesome 80's soundtrack, etc. And it's very very funny, even William Baldwin's one note "My Brotha" tennis instructor managed to get laughs out of me just by showing up at the screen. And Baumbach makes his intentions clear by referencing THE WILD CHILD, THE MOTHER AND THE WHORE, BREATHLESS (in the most hilarious scene) and others. It's always perched between the sad and the funny, often making you feel both simultaneously -- like the scene when Mom and Dad break out the news that they're separating -- and every moment rings true because of the amazing acting. Somebody give Jeff Daniels an Oscar, thanks. The problem really is that it's too short. Not that it lacks in anything, but makes you wish for more. I really did want to spend more time with this fucked up family. With 20 extra minutes of awesome scenes, this would've been the best of the year. I hope someone eventually makes a movie this good about being a teenager in the late 90's-early-2000's.

Day 6

KINGS AND QUEEN (67): You have to marvel at Desplechin for cutting from a sad, melancholic scene to Mathieu Almaric doing a trip-hop dance number. That takes some guts. The real problem with this movie is that I sat too close to the screen and they were using eletronic subtitles in a small screen under the big screen, so I had to keep moving my eyes from the subtitles to the big screen, so I was either reading what the characters were talking about or watching what they were doing. That means I missed both a lot of what was said and a lot of what was shot. So this rating is only temporary, and I'll definitely watch this again. I'll I can say about this is that Desplechin is also ripping off the Nouvelle Vague, what with the jump-cutting and sudden bursts of melodramatic score and wonderful spontaneity at the screen, and mixing up humour and drama with almost carelessness, you know, like Life and stuff. I did not read anything about this one, so the only thing I can give you is that it references Greek mythology, and the ex-husbands death looks like it was shot in a theater stage and that the movie is both a Tragedy and a Comedy. I'm not sure how this all fits. The two stand-out scenes of the picture: the angry letter of Devos' father and the epilogue in which Almaric gives a long monologue to Devos' son about Life. Very good.

THE WAYWARD CLOUD (82): Hello. My name is Tsai Ming-Liang. This name is Taiwanese because I come from Taiwan. But if you liked my movies, you are my friend, therefore you can call me my nickname given by my friends: Laser. This year of 2005 I made a masterpiece. Another one, some might say. I had the idea for this movie when I was eating some watermelon and I got a boner. Then I thought "Hey, what if I used watermelons to simbolize Sexual Desires? That sounds like a pretty good creative idea for a motion picture." And then I thought "Hmmm, I'm thirsty, and water is the source of life, very much like Romantic Love. Also, my boyfriend gave me nice shoes today and I'm so in love with him. I'm so in love with him that makes my watermelon-induced boner feel cheap and useless. Oh wait... (pause) There you go, that's a masterpiece right there." Then I dropped some acid and wrote a script in five hours. Then I called my friend, Ling-Su, and had him read it. He said "Laser, this is the one you'll be remembered for. It's loses the naturalistic vibe of your earlier efforts like THE RIVER, but it becomes abstract and surreal. It's also nice to see that you brought in much more humour this time, because you definitely are a genius at that, Deadpan Humour. The symbolism is somewhat more obvious, so part of the fun of sorting out the meanings is also lost, but whatever. Every shot (from my abilities to predict which shots you are going to use just by using the script sample you gave me) is mastefully composed, with beautiful art direction, rich colors and detail. Also, this is more fun (like Theo Panayides said, an obscure online critic we often read here in Taiwan), and while the statement (I think) you're making is not as powerful or interesting as the one from THE RIVER, it is nonetheless very well said, and with room for ambiguity. And there's a motif of Replacement, like people replacing water for watermelon because it's cheaper (zing!) and replacing real contact and meaning in relationships for pornography, and like that awesome scene where they're trying to shoot a sex scene in a bathtub, but the water runs out, so they try to replace it with pee, etc. Also, Laser, it was hilarious just to see the lenghts you'd go to to make the film entirely symbolic. Like when the porn star is complaining about ants in the elevator in the beginning, two guys pretend they're taking the ants out to get a chance to grope her breasts, and they are both holding watermelons. Awesome, Laser. Well done." After Ling-Su stopped praising my masterfulness and left, I took a large glass of water, thinking of what the Folco-type purists would think of this one. I hoped one of those would yell out "Holy fucking shit" in awe, as he was leaving the theater. And I hoped this dream would turn out to be true.

Yeah, good festival. 12 movies in six days is very little, but I was short on cash and I was lazy, and 5 of those were 70+, which is great average. Next year, hopefully, I'll be living in São Paulo, so I'll be able to catch twice as much as this year.

Also, during my trip back to Goiania, I realized "Hail to the Thief" is even better than "Amnesiac", second only to "Kid A" in my ranking of Radiohead's masterpieces. And The National's "Alligator" is one of the best albums of the decade so far. This has been my quick thoughts on the World of Music. Thank you.

Day 3 and 4 of the SPIFF

2005-11-02T04:50:00.000-08:00

I thought this would be much more active, and I never expected the drunkedness and the partying and the etc to get so much in the way. I guess it's a good thing. More useless comments (shorter than usual):

Day 3

MYSTERIOUS SKIN (59): So Gregg Araki is obviously gay. Not just because he made a movie about homossexuality, but because of the honesty and fearlessness and knowledge and conviction he deals with the subject. This is another one with a slight Sollondz-esque feel -- I guess this means weird, quirky characters, stylized dialogue and a somewhat cartoonish vibe, and also dealing with sexuality and akwardness and etc -- but with a lighter touch and humour. I'm not exactly sure why I didn't like this more. It's admirable. It never portrays the pedophile Baywatch-like coach as a monster, it throws wacky and seemingly useless scenes at you -- e.g. the part where the geeky gay stick his hand into a cow's anus, the drawing of the alien with the baseball shoes -- to have them connect in the end, making the whole alien subplot as a (bizarre) way of the geeky gay of dealing with his childhood trauma (is this like Freud), and there's some funny scenes, and a nice ending, and I suppose Joseph-Gordon Lewis (or Levit or Le Wit) was good (although I felt some phoniness in his mega-bad boy-ish vibe). No, really, don't ask me why I didn't like this. Anyway, it was funny that in the last shot, about a minute before the movie was over, when you could tell it was about to end, like 8 or 9 people just got out of their seats impatiently and left quickly, like they couldn't even bother waiting for Neil to finish his narration. What is up. Did they not like this? Was this too gay for them? Were they rushing off to catch BREAKFAST ON PLUTO or something. Jesus.

THE CHILD (75): Awesome. It's schematic (as Theo said) and sometimes a little implausible -- Bruno's decision to sell the baby was very sudden, ditto for his decision to Do The Right Thing at the end, and etc -- and sometimes a little obvious -- like when Bruno plays with his girlfriend, throwing her on the ground, running around, wetting his shoes with mud and kicking the wall, making fart jokes, because he is suppose to be a child, thus giving the title a double meaning. Geddit. -- and it loses a bit of momentum before the last 20 minutes. But I mean, c'mon. It's breathtaking stuff. I don't even have much to say about this, except that (with the possible exception of WAR OF THE WORLDS) it features the Best Chase Scene of the Year (is MTV going to nominate this movie or what the fuck), the scene where he wants go retrieve the baby is so tense it's almost cruel, the fight where the chick explodes at Bruno (all in a single take) is genius, etc etc etc. I don't think the general audience apreciated very much, but whatever right. Now Dardenne Bros. go make a science fiction movie. It will be a step in the right direction. Trust me. Thank you.

THE WORLD (55): For a moment there (I lost myself!) I thought this was going to be the masterpiece of the festival. The first half hour, actually. It opens with an extended shot of a dancer asking for a band-aid in the backstage of a show, and it's beautifully lit and it looks incredible (was this shot on that super video camera that Lucas used in the Star Wars prequels?). And then there's the title shot, where the "The World" is superimposed over a long shot of the park, with the Eifel Tower in the middle, and a peasant-looking dude crosses the frame in the lower half, and the (wonderful) score kicks in, and it's just awesome. And then there's a lot of hilarious stuff like "I'm having lunch in India" and shots panning across countries and monuments and "Look, this is America. Those are the Twin Towers that were attacked. We still got them here."; "Great!" and there are russian dancers trying to communicate with the chinese ones and all kinds of shit and you're thinking "This could go on forever...". But then a boring plot kicks in which takes up about half of the scenes, and they only occasionally use the park. It loses steam. If you cut about 50 minutes of this movie, it could go 70+ easily. And no, I do not care if the main plot actually means anything. It's boring.

BROKEN FLOWERS (52): What is there to say about this? Bill Murray gives his deadpan looks and funny line readings, Jarmusch comes up with funny (if a little dumb) ideas for ex-girfriends -- one became an Animal Communicator, another one a Stepford Wife, etc (Jesus, I could come up with this stuff in five minutes) -- and there's a perfunctory mystery plot that remains unresolved (PS to Jarmusch: this is not deep or ambiguous, it's as dumb and cliche as a dramatic revelation of the mystery, maybe more). Now it's officially time to give Bill Murray a role as a fast-talking sharp-tongued type person. Seriously.

MANDERLAY (49): "It's just bashing, albeit provocative enough to be enjoyable, if it worked as drama". Yes. There was applause at the end of this, when John Hurt says his pseudo-provocative crap about America in the V.O. I guess it just goes to show the amount of dislike brazillians have for the american government (or, I guess, the country in general). But I disagree with whoever thinks that Lars is trying to make some kind of pro-authoritarian statement. There's no way in hell that Danny Glover's character or his decision not to move beyond the slavery system are considered good things in this movie -- in the same way that Grace's decision to shoot the entire village of Dogville in the first movie was obviously not something Lars was supporting.

Day 2 of the SP

2005-10-30T19:09:00.000-08:00

I didn't update last night because, well, you know, alcohol, hangover, etc, so I am a day behind. But anyway:

A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE (69): Did I read something wrong or was this movie supposed to be one of those simple, straightforward thrillers that are subverted by Cronenberg's ability to make the violence in it disgusting and embarrasing, i.e. the Dogville Twist? Am I way off? I imagine I am, because I did not find much evidence of said subversion, aside from two things: (1) the sex scene between Aragorn and his wife that starts as an agressive, violent assault and ends in passionate humping, making the "Violence as Pleasure" point very well and clear, and (2) quick shots of very gory wounds during the violent scenes. But neither built any kind of unease that was necessary for said subversion or criticism, unless as an afterthought. In fact, I doubt anyone who doesn't know who Cronenberg is will take it as anything other than a straight fun type thriller with Aragorn being the redeming hero with an ugly past and etc. What it does achieve is ambivalence towards the actions of Aragorn, which is nice. It never seems to support it, nor criticize it directly, independent of Cronenberg's real intentions. In fact, the final scene, with Aragorn arriving at his family dinner and his daughter picking up his plate, is the only real moment where you feel the movie may be forgiving what Aragorn did, and yet their (the family's) faces seem so shattered and traumatized and etc. I also thought the whole stylized comic-bookness of the movie very interesting. The archetype-type characters, corny dialogue and LOTR-like score, etc, they really do show the movie's original form, and Cronenberg kept it all. This is almost Sin City-like -- except the graphic novel itself seems to be much much better than Sin City. William Hurt is hilarious. The audience broke out in laughter several times during the extended fight climax, and a friend of mine would giggle every time she saw a gore shot. "What the hell, you are sick", etc.

Oh, and a brazillian aside: we recently had a voting to decide whether we should make stronger laws for prohibition of weapon sales, which made it a Hot Topic here for months, with heated discussions about the use and utility of fire weapons and the cause of violence in Brazil and in general and etc. Anyway, the "No" won by a large margin, so no new laws will be passed against weapon sales (unfortunately, IMO). This whole shebang made the general feel of the screening more uneasy than usual. Everytime Aragorn's wife would reach for the shotgun and try to load it, or when she leaves it in the middle of the room and his teenage son picks it up to look at it, you could feel the tension, identification of the audience, etc. Interesting. I guess, if the audience would take the movie as it is (without the subversion), it's probably more of a "No" movie than a "Yes" movie. Interesting. I should see this again, by the way.

DIG! (76): Yeah, holy shit, this was fucking awesome. What is up with the lack of enthusiasm for this. No masterpiece or even particularly important, but most of the footage is electric and breathtaking and very funny and occasionally moving. It never goes into any in-depth explorations of any particular subject in the rock industry; only by following the two bands -- both starting at roughly the same level of success, one going down down down and the other going up up up -- does it achieve a statement about discipline and commitment and concessions needed to get anywhere (or somewhere) in this particular business. It's funny that Anton keeps calling The Dandy Warhols a sell-out band, a "cartoon band", and yet says their albums are great, what with the irony of him being supposedly "truthful" and going down the drain. But actually, anything he says is funny. He's an egomaniac, megalomaniac jackass, who does not seem to have much talent in the first place. Also, his tambourinist (sp?) Joel Gier (or Girth or whatever) is so hilarious, with his wacky hair and british accent and his uselessness in the band. Also, it's funny how in every single show of the Brian Jonestown Massacre, a fight breaks out, and they are always hilarious (until they start get embarrasing, and then depressing). Also, I found the ending very moving, although I don't remember what about it, exactly. Also, what is up with me liking the "decadent hispters" movies, what with this and LAST DAYS being awesome. Also, I heard The Dandy Warhols' "Thirteen Tales of Urban Bohemia" a couple of times through and it seems to be pretty good album, etc.

Oh, today's bloggy aside? I stood in line for coffee next to Fernando Meirelles, worlwide popstar brazillian director. He looks like a doofus in person. He's part of the jury for this SPIFF, if I'm not mistaken. Anyway, I did not get an autograph or photos or anything (although a friend almost convinced me). I figured I do not care about him enough to want his presence in a picture of me. In fact, I should have gone up to him and said "Hey Fernando Meirelles. Good job on CITY OF GOD. Bad job on THE CONSTANTLY IDIOTIC GARDENER. That one was pretty retarded. Why did you do the retarded movie? That movie is only worth 36 in my 100 point scale. That's pretty bad. That's as bad as CONSTANTINE. Or did you like that one too?". Etc.

The Day 1 of Fest

2005-10-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

After a mind-numbing, weeping-baby-ing, guy-sitting-next-to-you-with-BO-ing fourteen hour bus trip from Goiania to São Paulo, only accompanied by Radiohead and The National CDs and the hope that the next few days will not suck as much, I arrived at the terminal and met with the buds and already felt as if things were going to get going in a nice way.

Anyway, it is nice to be in a huge city again (this is starting to sound like Theo's festival blog), the whole diversity thing going on, huge archtecture structures (sp?etc), an excutive-type with a nice suit holding a dog's collar sitting next to a punkish teen with a Che Guevara handbag and etc, you know how it is. I'm sure I had a few anecdotes for the day, but I sure as hell can't think of any now, because I'm sleepy and there's this dude sitting next to me playing Metallica on a guitar and reading what I'm writing, so etc.

Anyway, a few quick thoughts on...

ME AND YOU AND EVERYONE WE KNOW (61): What it is with this movie is that Miranda July has a bit of the Todd Solondz sensibility (Hal Hartley also came to mind) except she's not perverted or self-loathing (at least not as much). The entire thing has a dreamy feel, the dialogue is slightly stylized, the narrative feels constructed as to fit all of Miranda July's ideas for images, sounds, moments, dialogues; even though most of it doesn't really cohere, it is still a sight to see, a huge, rich collection of such moments as a gold fish on top of a moving car, a guy setting his own hand on fire, pink shoes with "Me" and "You" written on them dancing across a pink carpet, and such stuff. It's quirky, but never in an annoying way. The quirkiness in this case creates an uneasy feeling, not the typical inviting "Oh look how cute she collects sea shells that look like turtles etc!", and she also plays the weirdness for occasional deadpan hilarity, like the online sex chat with helpfull tips by the younger brother. I thought I found a connecting theme when the old dude (July's character's father?) says that "people are always looking for things they cannot have" (or something like that. I don't take notes. I mean jesus) -- July is in love with a guy who has no interest in her, tries to get her art to people who have no interest in it, the dad tries hard to be liked by his kids, the young one tries to change time in the end by knocking a coin on a pole (and with success!) -- but anyway, it still seems a little slight. I'll leave theme to better minds (aka the Theoster). Also, funky eletronic soundtrack.

HIDDEN (70): A disapointment. Not that it is bad. No sir. This movie is all kinds of awesome (ok maybe not all kinds but you know what I am talking about so thanks). But it is also frustrating. I guess I'm overrating it a little, because at least 4 or 5 of those points are out of pure objective admiration; if I'd grade it entirely on my response, it would be a 66, most likely. Some problems with my viewing experience: (1) by putting together all the pieces, like the trailer, reading 30 thousand different (non-spoilery) comments on Toronto blogs, knowing that the identity of the terrorizer will not be explained, and that there's a whole "War on Iraq" guilt subtext, well... when I actually got to watching the damn thing, there was not much to look for. I guessed most of the plot. Heck, I even knew from the moment that SPOILER puts his hand on his pocket to reach out for a SPOILER, that he would SPOILER himself with it in a really disturbing way, which took out some of the (immense, I imagine) shock. The tension I felt throughout was a mix of "oh lord just make it stop because this is so unpleasant" and "oh lord just move on because I'm way ahead of this movie". And also (2) Haneke makes this deliberately frustrating, by not giving the audience any "release" or "payoff", not even a climatic scene like the one at the end of CODE UNKNOWN (the "Drums + Steadicam" one). It feels impersonal, lacking any emotional core, and most of its tension's power would dissipate with a second viewing (right?). But this is still masterful stuff. Theo's right about the "Unknown Forces controlling our lives" this has going for it: there's even a scene during a shooting of Auteil's show where he's given off-screen directions on how to react while the show ends. And it is still nerve-racking: a friend would bury her face in my arm everytime she thought something bad was going to happen, and it is to Haneke's credit that she spent at least 60% of the movie with her face buried. Even a simple kitchen shot with Auteil buttering his bread or Binoche washing dishes was like "oh fuck something's gonna happen now. I can feel it. Anytime now. Oh lord it is going to be ugly. Oh no". And this is a good thing. Now Haneke please have shit actually happen more often. Ok? Thanks.

Oh yeah, I remembered a bloggy-aside type comment I wanted to make: the cinephile crowd during festival time is particularly friendly and open. One smart 30-ish guy overheard me and a friend talking about THE MANDY LAY while waiting in the line to HIDDEN and he was all friendly commenting his experience with it: "Oh, I was getting kind of bored because it lost DOGVILLE's freshness, but the last 20 minutes are breathtaking." Also, a cute 20-ish lady overheard me and another friend discussing about how the screenings are selling out easily and the difficulty to get tickets, and she happily dropped in her two cents. The weird thing is that they both said Wim Wenders' DON'T COME KNOCKING was the best of the festival they'd seen, so they must clearly be out of their minds (right?). Also, the same guy in line also said "Dardennes' THE SON is a fucking bore". So yeah do not trust the random friendly cinephiles.

Tomorrow: more rambling, retarded, incoherent, filled-with-spelling-mistakes type comments on THE VIOLENCE'S HISTORY and THE DIG(!).

PS: One of the buds, Khansc, is very sick, and will miss the festival because of it. We were all feeling for you, bud, while Haneke drop-kicked our asses. Try to make it to the MANDERLAY screening at least. Etc.

The Schedule of the São Paulo

2005-10-17T17:15:00.000-07:00

Tentative schedule (10/28 - 11/2):

UPDATES PART DEUX
- CINEMA, ASPIRINAS AND SUCH CRAP is ditched. DIG!, is back in. The time constraints are not that big, so we will make it in time.
I think that's about it. The internet tickets for the last screening of HIDDEN (the one I'm going) were sold out in a few hours and I missed them. So one of my buds (the V dude) is going to the theater and get in line for the remaining tickets as soon as it opens. I think we will be alright, etc. If that doesn't work, I'll kill someone in line and steal their ticket (thus, giving Haneke something to make another movie about).

Updates on the Schedule:
- Saturday: DIG unfortunately ditched for time constraints and etc. The acclaimed brazillian movie CINEMA, ASPIRINAS E URUBUS replaces it.
- Sunday: TICKETS ditched because of time constraints.
- Monday: Victor Sjostrom's THE SCARLETT LETTER substitutes WHERE THE TRUTH LIES because of time constraints.
- Tuesday: KONG QUE added to the schedule, because it may be awesome.
- Wednesday: a new spot for WHERE THE TRUTH LIES (because I don't want to let Egoyan down, although he will probably let ME down). MY SUMMER OF LOVE and SOY CUBA go down the drain etc.
- Further alterations are expected.

Friday 28
ME, YOU, ALL THE OTHER PEOPLES - 7:30PM
THE CASH - 11:10PM (this is fucking late, I hope you wont bore me Mr. Haneke etc. Actually, who am I kidding, I will eat this shit up)

Saturday 29
HISTOIRE DU VIOLENCE - 5:30PM
DIG! - 7:30PM

Sunday 30
THE SKIN MYSTERY - 12:00AM
THE MOTHERFUCKING CHILD - 4:00PM
THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD (the Jia movie) - 8:10PM

Monday 31
THE BROKEN FLOWERS - 2:50PM
THE SCARLETT LETTER - 6:10PM
THE MANDER LAID - 9:30PM

Tuesday 1
KING KONG QUE - 3:20PM
SQUIDS, WHALES AND BAUMBACH - 7:00PM
THE MOVIE WHERE TSAI MING-LIANG SHOWS HIS MAD SKILLZ - 10:20PM (this is going to be so fucking awesome)

Wednesday 2
KINGS, QUEEN AND DESPLECHIN - 1:00PM
WHERE THE TRUTH LIES - 8:20PM

Yes, it's very boring. Believe it or not, there isn't much else that's interesting. No THREE TIMES, no LAST DAYS, no BRICK, no GAY COWBOY PICTURE, no REGULAR LOVERS, etc. But at least there's more time for the drinking and discussing and the laughter and tears and etc. I'd be willing to bet we'll miss a few screenings out of laziness or boredom (watch out Greg Araki!!!).

Anyway, I'll be doing comments on these motion pictures probably in the same day I see them. But beware, I'll be drunk and/or sleepy, so it is not going to be a pretty picture. I will be making retarded observations, more than usual. I will try to tell a few anecdotes Theo style, so you can learn more about Brazillian culture and retardation.

All The Primer's Men

2005-10-15T18:34:00.000-07:00

Here's what I'm gonna do. Since I am not getting drunk tonight or doing Karaoke renditions of Arcade Fire's "Cold Wind" (no, you're the fanboy! Fuck off) and I've already seen like eighty movies today, so what I'm gonna do is write about a few movies I've seen recently. Nothing to do with my obsession with Theo's work or with movies anyone really gives a shit about anymore, and these comments are more about my particular tastes than the films themselves, so this is pretty much useless to anyone who is not me. So don't bother. In a few days I'll be back at writing about how awesome Theo's new festival blog is or how the São Paulo Film Festival is already in the process of revealing it's selection (which is exciting) or one of those random thoughts posts.

Anyway,

I've recently seen Alan J. Pakula's ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN (I'm not going to do a Vern-acularized version of this title because I intend this commentary to be (half)serious, but anyway, it would've been something like THE PRESIDENTS ARE ALL MEN (ha ha ha!)). It's the first time I've seen and in no way I expected it to be so awesome. What it is with this particular movie is that it's crafted with a documentary approach. There are no shaky cameras, but Pakula gives it an intense sense of reality with naturalistic details and performances. I can't point you out to many examples, because I've seen this movie a few days ago, but there's a six minute shot of Woodward (Redford) in his office, with him in the foreground making calls and trying to investigate clues, while in the background a group of people gather around a TV set (the content of which you don't see), dissipate, another co-worker out of focus tries to get Woodward's attention, heads and bodies enter and leave the frame, gesticulate, and Pakula shoots it with a really slow zoom in. It's not just that the content of this particular scene is tense, but that it feels like you are looking at the scene from a secret security camera. Or maybe, more to Pakula's intensions probably, from a spy camera, installed by a governement conspiracy.

Another realistic, genius element of PRESIDENT'S is that it never explains much to the audience. There's no cheap exposition. You have to work twice as much to follow the investigation and what exactly the characters are doing. It makes you feel like your part of the mystery. Names and places and numbers are being thrown around, and you have to sort everything out, like a jigsaw-puzzle, until a hazy picture starts forming in your head. Even if you are not completely aware of the events, you know you absolutely must have it all cleared out, because you are in the brink of a huge Revelation, an important, massive one. Pakula and screenwriter William Goldman make you feel like they know something that most people don't, a Secret. The filmmakers take pleasure in bringing you into the mystery, not just because they want to throw a particular political message at you, but because they know that we generally (well, at least I do) wish to be the Woodward and Bernsteins. Regular people, realizing that reality itself, as you percieve it, is breaking down, and that there was another reality under it all along. The giddy pleasure I get from watching it is one I often reach for in movies, and rarely recieve. It's the What If. It's the presentation of a particular recognizable enviroment, and then having the rug pulled under you. It is orgasmic. This is why I love (real) science-fiction, and PRESIDENT'S is more science-fiction than most sci-fi movies.

Admitedly, it's a lot easier for a movie create this feeling when it's mostly based on actual events. But there's no denying of the mastery of Pakula's silent, precise, brooding direction, Gordon Willis' dark, ominous photography, Goldman's "try and catch me fuckers" plotting and structure and great dialogue, the all-around fantastic, realistic acting, and sureal, hilariously brilliant, unbelievably friggin' tense scenes as the one where Woodward, after being told his life may be in danger by Deep Throat, arrives at Bernstein's apartment, and fearing planted bugs, turns up the volume on some classical music and procedes to have a conversation with his partner through a typewriter (this was so awesome. I mean, Jesus). I gave it an 87, and then upgraded it to a 92 after days of reflection, which safely puts it on "this is one of the greatest movies of all time ever thank you very much". Another upgrade I did lately was for Shane Carruth's sci-fi masterpiece PRIMER, which went from an (coincidently [or not]) 87 to a staggering (as Theo puts it) 96. I did not rewatch the film in these last few weeks, mind you, though I've seen it three times already. The upgrade occured because, after seeing PRESIDENT's and have it hanging over my mind for some time, I realized how closely they both resemble, and how significantly more amazing is PRIMER's achievement.

I'm not going to pretend that my realization of the similarity between the two movies is some kind of discovery. Shane Carruth basically said it himself in the interviews, something like this: "I watched ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN and wanted to make a movie like that". And who could blame him. But I don't remember reading any interesting comparisions between them, and though I will not be making said any extensive analysis on how they are similar, something struck me about them that made me understand a personal fetish in cinema (and sci-fi) for me, one that I already suspected. What it is is that PRIMER also takes the realistic approach that PRESIDENT'S took: they both have the same intense attention to detail and naturalism and recognizable, erratic, human behaviour; they are both shot in the same static, ominous, silent, ultimately frightening medium shot style of Pakula; they both feature screenplays where the plot and the content is thrown at you in an almost incomprehensible way, and make your mind race many times faster (which is very exciting, for those who care) to catch up; they both involve a couple of characters, regular guys, discovering a big Secret, that will change the way they look at the world, at Reality.

What makes PRIMER even more disgustingly awesome is that the Secret, in this case, is not political (something that affects a relatively small portion of our reality), but a Scientifical/Metaphysical one. The quest for Knowledge that Aaron and Abe go through leads not to resignations and arrests for political figures, but something so massive and otherwordly that it seems unbelievable. And the potency of the film comes from the fact that it makes you (or, at least me) believe it. Their discovery could easily be equated (in terms of importance) to the discovery of a proof that God exists. And only two Texan muffin-eating baseball-wathcing scientists know it (like Theo said, it's the juxtaposition of the mundane and the transcendental). And belive me, is this movie fucking transcendental. I mean holy fucking shit. There's a scene about 20 minutes in, after the realistic vibe has been stablished, in which the movie takes such a sudden, gigantic leap into the realm of sci-fi that I actually cried. It is when Aaron first sees Abe's clone through a binoculars, preceded by Abe urging him "not to scream, no matter what" and proceded by Aaron almost losing his voice, saying "Who was that, Abe?". The following stretch of the movie -- the next 10 or 15 minutes or so -- the sequence where Abe explains to Aaron in voice-over narration how did he travel through time (before, during and after) while Carruth plays the exact same thing the narration is explaining, but later on, with both Aaron and Abe... this sequence is so masterful that I do not even know how could people not consider this a major achievement in the Cinema (let alone by a first-time filmmaker, with a 7000 dollar budget). The people who do not consider this a major achievement in the Cinema must be fucking retarded.

I'm sorry, I don't mean that. Entirely.

So, there you go. Pakula's and Carruth's pictures are both firmly placed among my absolute favorites, bacause of some weird psychological background that cause me to enjoy movies that deal with metaphysics and the nature of reality in a mature and inteligent and realistic way (like in the great Philip K. Dick). I also love DONNIE DARKO* and TROPICAL MALADY for the exact same reasons -- to cite some recent movies I fell for -- and could easily write long, dull posts like this one about how unbefuckinglievably awesome they are (look for Jim Emerson's essay on DARKO that's somewhere on Ebert's site. It's genius). I'm not gonna, though (unless the fanbase of The Theo Blog requests it, har har). I think I've already made pretty clear what do I think is so amazing about these kinds of films that are willing to tackle the Fantastic with seriousness and to build it around a reality. It is, in a way, why I watch movies. It's not just to have filmmakers point to behaviour that I can see in the everyday and analyze it, but to have them also point outward, to what we may not even be aware of (master Antonioni also does this). It's not that movies (or art in general) will always reveal secrets and conspiracies, or that it's some form of escapism out of boring, mundane life, but just that fact that it's willing to go there already says a lot.

*How convienient, a movie about a teen who wants to delude himself that reality is not as boring as it really is by inventing in his head a weird surreal plot involving himself. He's also an atheist but makes himself believe he isn't one (because he can't handle the implications of being an atheist). He also wishes he'd not grow up, but go back to childhood, back when he believed in the mystical and the magical and in the easter bunny (geddit?). Anyway, Theo, 57? C'mooon...

PS: Mike D'Angelo, I know you did an Esquire review of PRIMER. It is not available for reading purposes. You have to buy it. I am not willing to pay dollars-converted-into-reais(our currency) to read your review. I do not feel it is worth that much. Although I do feel it may be worth something. So if you could e-mail it to me, I would be grateful. Though I wouldn't hold it against you if you didn't, since I am stupidly making this request in public. The Esquire team could be reading this. They could hack into our e-mails. They have the technology. They really do. I saw it in the movies. Our lives may be in danger. You should ask Deep Throat first. Put the red flag on your balcony, etc.

PPS: THE CONSTANT GARDNER (36). Brazillian filmmaker Fernando Meirelles, are you retarded. Thanks. Panayidettes do not watch THE CONSTANTLY STUPID/BORING GARDENER. Theo do not rate this movie over 45.

PPPS: There may be spelling errors in this post. Many of them, bad.

PPPPS: I would like to thank teenager baaab and baseball & politics asian guy Ryan Wu for the linking. And whoever else linked me (you know who you are, I am sure). Keep up the good work, etc.

PPPPPS: I do not even know what the fuck "PS" means. I think it's some latin shit. Like Post Scriptum. Or Post Scrotum.

PPPPPPS: I see my prediction failed on Theo's A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE grade. That is sad, but also ok. There are other predictions, other movies, etc.

He Beat Me To It

2005-09-17T15:02:00.000-07:00

Theo sez [Sorry for the lack of recent Films Seen; I got sidetracked - and now I'm off to a festival in Greece, so no more action on this site for at least a week. I wish life would stop getting in the way of movie-watching, to be frankly honest.]

Damn. Since Theo hadn't gone to the TIFF (that means Toronto International Freedom Fighters), I was hoping I would see most of the big 2005 movies before he did, in the São Paulo Festival. Damn. That would've placed me in a superior, more venerable position. Like if in the middle ages, a king would like order a pizza by phone every day and one of his guards would receive the pizza everyday from the delivery guy and he would bring it to the king, but this guard is really poor and he really likes pizza so he saves some money and after a few months the king orders a pizza and the guard dude also orders a pizza, but he orders his pizza from a cheaper place, and, like, ironically, the cheaper pizza place would deliver his pizza faster than the expensive haute cousine pízza place the king ordered from. So when the king's pizza arrived, the guard would already be eating his pizza and the king would be like "Go get my fucking pizza!" and the guard would be like "Hey, can't you see I'm fucking eating here? Wait a minute! I mean jesus. (pause) Oh boy, this tastes really good" and the king would be like "Ok, I'm chopping this guy's head off pronto" and the guard guy would be like "God, what a drama queen. Ok, I'll go get your pizza". You know?

Oh well.

Anyway, does anyone have a clue as to what film festival is going on in Greece this week? I heard of a Short Film Festival, but I couldn't find MALGAAT in the programme. There's also a Canberra film festival, but it's just a few greek movies, what would Theo want with that, etc. So I don't know. I frankly didn't do any extensive research, so if any Panayidette would be interested in investigating, be my guest.

I predict these are going to be Theo's ratings to the big 2005 movies:

THE HIDDENED - high 70's (on account that this movie was made by Micheal Haneke and he has loved virtually all of Haneke's recent movies and on account that this is chilling thriller and on account that the trailer for this movie is better than most movies I've seen this year (and I'm sure Theo agrees))

GAME OVER, KURT KOBAIN - low 60's (on account that he was mixed on EL PHANT and this looks slightly "more accomplished" than EL PHANT)

THE CHILD OF THE DARDENNE - high 70's (on account that Theo flips over backwards for any Dardenne bros movie -- now I just pictured Theo flipping over backwards while waiting in line to get a ticket for this movie, and the guy next to him in line thinking "this is some fucked up greek dude, jesus". That would be really funny.)

THE WAYDOWNTOWN CLOUD - low 70's (on account that Theo's recent tryptich (sp?) of Tsai shows that he is slowly coming to terms with the fact that this filmmaker is so awesome. Also, Mike Del Anglo said this is Tsai's best movie)

HOMOSSEXUAL COWBOYS BY ANG LEE - high 60's (on account that this has Donnie Darko having sex with cowboys and Heatcliff Ledger, which is something Theo always thought would be interesting to see)

ARAGORN'S VIOLENT HISTORY - low or mid 70's (yeah, sue me) (on account that everybody loves this movie)

LAY MAN'S DEARTH (THE LARS VON TRIER MOVIE) - either high 50's or low 60's (on account that this is like Dogville but inferior. Also, Theo's the Cinephile Nigger)

THE PRESIDENT LIKES TO BANG - mid 60's (on account that Theo does not usually love asian movies (because of his hidden anti-asian agenda (yes, I did not forget that 65 for SEVEN SAMURAI, bud)))

TIME TIMES THREE - high 50's ("One more time!", said Daft Punk, some years ago)

REGULAR LOVERS (is there any way to make this title funny? I'll leave that to you) - either low or mid 70's (on account that I don't have much info on this movie, but a lot of folks seemed to like it, like Sicinski gave it a 9 and stuff, so who knows)

EVIL ALIENS - mid 90's (this is obvious, etc)

If I get at least five of these right, I'll celebrate by buying myself a bottle of non-cheap wine and inviting my friends over for a Coen Brothers marathon.

Of course, those predictions of Theo's grades don't have much to do with my predictions of my grades (for example, THE WAY-TO-GO CLOUD would certainly be a high 70's-low 80's for me, as it will obviously rock, and I'm becoming a Tsai fanboy).

Anyway, good luck with the festival, Theo. You better come back with one of those anecdotes.

PS: What's so great about ACE IN THE HOLE? I'm on the J. Hoberman/Phil Hall side.

How Wrong Have I Been

2005-09-08T18:31:00.000-07:00

While the TIFF is going on in Canada...

Two boring reviews.

NOBODY KNOWS (56)
It’s watchable, I guess. The best thing about it is how Kore-eda gets the feel of the small apartment exactly right, specially considering the child’s-POV angle. It feels a little cramped, with tight frames filled with details, characters shot under chairs, in doorways and hallways, everything a little zoomed-in. It’s simultaneously relaxing and claustrophobic, exactly as a “caged” child would feel like in that situation. It also has the TO BE AND TO HAVE feel for childhood: curious about them, realistic (almost like a documentary, really) and filled with details (many of which I can’t remember now because I don’t usually take notes; I better start taking those goddamn notes in my opinion) – and of course, like that movie, also a little precious and cutesy.

The theme actually resonated with me quite a lot, even though it’s treated in haphazard way: it’s about the Burden of Responsibility. The characters have to make choices between personal enjoyment and taking care of others – the mother chooses her lover and neglects the kids, and shit happens; the older brother Akira chooses playing videogame with his loser friends and shit happens (and other echoes throughout, like the “father” who doesn’t accept that Yuki is his daughter, and says he’s stuck in “credit card hell” because his girlfriend spent too much). There’s a moving shot (IMO) of the sister sitting at the table on the foreground, under yellow light, looking at unpaid bills, while her brother and his friends play Playstation and make a mess out of the house. It made me feel bad for all the (many, usual) times I chose to ignore my own responsibilities – and it also reminded me how it can feel so good (for a limited time) to do that, shown when the older brother takes his brothers out of the house, spends all his money on food and toys, and plays all day long in the park.

This also makes it clear how the movie doesn’t really work very well: the burden and the sense of freedom are felt, but only in a minor way -- unlike in PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE, when Barry Egan spends the entire first half dealing with extreme anxiety and oppression, and then suddenly takes the orgasmic trip to Hawaii. It’s too predictable and too low key and too long overall. Theo says: “Personally, I had a strange reaction to NOBODY KNOWS: after about an hour I started to get fidgety - even a little drowsy - and wondered if I'd last the course; after about 90 minutes, though, I'd fully adjusted to the rhythm, accepted the situation was going nowhere, and could easily have watched it toddle on for another hour.” This is not just your reaction bud, this seems to be the actual movie’s doing; it does get a little annoying and draggy by the half way mark, but about 30 minutes later and things start moving more smoothly and pleasantly (and then, at least for me, it went back to draggy in the last 15 minutes or so).

Most of the last third, I kept wondering how exactly it would end. When the high school girl marks her presence in the narrative, I thought it would resolve with her doing something about the situation (becoming a new Mother for them, taking the Responsibility), but by the end she actually becomes a “new older sister”, just tagging along for the ride. The death scene is useless, the burial in the airport is kind of beautiful, and that tear-jerking song near the end was fucking awful. I mean jesus.

SIN CITY (62)
There are many ways to start this review; none of them will make me look good. As much as I wish I could’ve used “If you turn in the right corner in Sin City you can find just about anything. Anything… that sucks ASS” as a starter, I can’t, because this isn’t bad at all. I quite liked, in fact, and suspect I might like this even more on second viewing. Even my thoughts about this being completely shallow and superficial were wrong, as there’s a coherent theme working under the narrative, pulling everything together – even though the theme itself isn’t of much use. At first I thought the Castration Obsession this movie had was just some weird personal issue for Frank Miller (hey Frank Miller are you castrated? Thanks), but there was also talk of “making yourself worth”, and the “quest for Justice” and “warrior women and gladiators” it all tied down to Being a Man, fear of emasculation, some kind of code of honor where you only shoot honest people unless you really have to, and when the dude is bad, killing him is just not enough, you have to “go to work on him first” (and specially “every nice looking blonde deserves a revenge”).

Maybe I’m way off, but during that scene where Clive Owen watches as the hookers prepare to kill Benicio del Toro, he starts having second thoughts about actually killing the guy (that he was so sure about killing a few minutes earlier), and he even says stuff like “he never killed anyone, this is not right” and “something’s wrong about this” and I suspect these are his fears of emasculation coming to the surface; he wishes *he* was killing the guy and doing the revenge, being the hero and the Man, saving the blonde – but he has to stand around and watch someone else (women!) do the work. He only comes to terms with this in the end of this story, when the hookers come to the revenge and he acknowledges them as Warrior Women, Valkyries. In this same story, there’s also a scene where Clive’s character wonders whether he’ll have to kill a cop or not, and whether that would be right (which kind of gives weight to the rest of the random killings).

Random cool stuff: the Elijah Wood supposedly-creepy character didn’t seem all that creepy (maybe because I was already expecting creepiness), but the first appearances of the Yellow Bastard were menacing, and this last Bruce Willis story was my actual favorite: I kept hoping Bruce and his daughter/lover/protégé (the smoking hot) Jessica Alba would turn out all right (the only characters I really cared about). Any sign of anything yellow in the frame would get on my nerves. And Clive Owen’s introduction – “Hi, I’m Britanny Murphy’s boyfriend and I’m out of my mind” – got my blood going the way the rest of this movie should have. And Marv’s execution (“I haven’t got all night”). And Nicky Katt with an arrow through his body, making jokes about it (that *was* Nicky Katt, wasn’t it?). And many of the noir-ish, shadowy, beautifully composed shots. And lots of other stuff I don’t remember right now because I don’t take notes (gotta take those fucking notes in my opinion).

Still, I wish I could’ve been more enthusiastic about this, but I watched most of it in a detached way, just admiring all the striking photography and fast rhythm and hammy, cheesy acting (in a good way), with only the occasional burst of excitement. Needed more action scenes, maybe; the car crashes and gun shots and killing were too short, too cartoony. Maybe it was just that there was hardly any emotional connection (that’s why only the Bruce Willis bit worked for me fully). Maybe it was the constant narration that got annoying (like waves bumping on a rocky shore can get annoying if you’re sitting on top of one of those rocks and the water’s spraying on your face and your eyes until you develop some kind of facial burn). Also, the Gilmore Girl, the one that dies in the end: hot stuff. And I have no idea what Theo means by this: “even more inspiring than PRIMER in demystifying the filmmaking process”. Nothing in THE SIN OF A CITY is half as inspiring as in THE PRIMER, much less the Demystification of the Filmmaking Process (what the fuck).

Also, some second viewings:

BREATHLESS (Godard) (77), up from a 75.

GHOST WORLD (Zwigoff) (84), up from a 72. (this is one of the most beautiful and poignant and depressing films ever made, not just about teens)

Theo-Related Quote of the Day
"Theo's IRMA VEP Review is so good I'm thinking of making it into a movie."
- Khansc

Taut Thoughts

2005-09-01T17:02:00.000-07:00

So here we go:

*So, Pablo Villaça, the brazillian Roger Ebert as far as critics go (except Villaça is retarded and his reviews are mostly useless), wrote this article on Brazil's recent film history which is not half bad, informative and mostly interesting (but in a very simplistic and "quick recap" way). Also, he has definetely not mastered the english language, as I obviously did (snort).

But trust me, our film industry is still a long way from somewhere like Asia or whatever. And I don't mean quantity of films or local appreciation, but the actual quality is very evidently lacking. Maybe it's that Brazil doesn't have much of a movie tradition; maybe it's that the lack of accessibility for foreign and independent movies to the general public that's generating a pretty ignorant generation, filmwise; maybe it's just that we're all retards. Look at Walter Salles, he sold out with THAT WATER IS SO DARK; what a wonderful role model. And the weird thing is that film graduation course in college is one of the top four or five most attended in the country (behind only stuff like Law and Medicine). I mean, I can only wonder who these thousands of cinephile/artists are, and where do they come from. I sure as hell don't know many of them. Maybe it became one of those "I don't know what to do, so I'll just take a Film Course to pretend I give two shits about college"-type deals. Or maybe we'll be having a New Brazillian New Wave (or Neo-Cinema Novo; or we could come up with something more elegant like "The Awesome-Type Wave of the Cinema of the Brazil") and there'll be all these fresh-out-of-college artists bursting with ideas and a revolutionary spirit. Not. (But watch THE HOUSE OF SAND cuz my bud said it was all kinds of awesome and it's currently his favorite movie of 2005.)

*How do you pronounce Jarmusch. Is it like JAR (as in "I dropped your fucking jar and it broke bud") MUSCH (as in "these MUSHrooms are trippy bud"). Or is it JarMILK. Or is it JarMINGLIANG. What is it. Thanks.

*Khansc (faithfull TheoBlog supporter and Panayidette) just sent this instant message to me: "THE TRIP is the greatest film ever made". He just started watching it, so it's highly probable he'll end up taking it back and saying something like "Oh, it started out real good but it didn't live up to the opening."... BUT, in case he doesn't take it back, you heard it here first, on the TheoBlog. THE TRIP is the greatest film ever made. Officially. Just ask Khansc. Really.

*I haven't seen SIN IN THE CITY yet, but Theo's 74 doesn't make me want to. I'm usually very much attuned with his taste, but I don't care for Rodriguez, and nothing I read about it did anything to wipe the feel of "fanboy wetdream" that it yells out. To make matters worse, I already bashed it to my friends, saying "it sounds like the kind of crap people who enjoyed UNDERWORLD will fall for". And one of my friends, who's definetely no cinephile but has a decent taste in movies, said it was just "watchable". He proceeded to tell most of what happens in the movie to me (and I didn't mind, because I figured the way he told it would certainly be a lot funnier and more entertaning than the actual film [this same friend also does a great Klaus Kinski-Aguirre impression]) so I listened and all the little interest I had left in it slowly faded out and disappeared into nothingness and etc. Maybe I'll take a look, but I'm afraid that if I end up liking it, I'll have to swallow my words and that will be embarrassing. I hope it sucks. In other news, NOBODY KNOWS (!!!) and THE DOOR ON THE FLOOR just opened here in the Goianian-type city of the Third World country Brazil. This is awesome. I will watch both of them. With glee. And the SP Film Festival is less than two months away. I cannot fucking wait.

*Speaking of film festivals, Gus Van Sant is attending the Rio de Janeiro Film Festival (at the end of this month) to promote THE LAST DAYS OF KURT COBAIN. There are some other famous people coming to the Rio Fest also, but who cares, really. It's Gus Van Sant, the Bela Tarr protégé. He is awesome. I wonder if he'll end up enjoying Brazil so much he'll make the next movie of his Bela Tarr-rip off Death Series following Pelé around with a Steadicam as he tries to play soccer but can't because he's too old for soccer (this is a metaphor for the Death of Soccer, or the Death of the Sports, or the Death of Talent, or the Death of a Legend, or maybe he'll actually kill off Pelé in the end [note: Pelé is still alive], take your pick).

*I was going to post something related to MALGAAT but the computer problems are still going on, so hang on there and don't let the Malgaat spirit die. Value your Malgaat (possible tagline).

*This rambling post is pathetic. I'll post something better next time (soon). Download Ulrich Schnauss' "On My Own". This is a song. It is an AIR type song, but more energetic. I'm addicted.

*So things in New Orleans are going pretty bad. This is awful. I hope the cool film critic Matt Lotti (linked in Theo's website) is ok (since I think he lives there, but I may be wrong), and best wishes to everyone there. Fucking hurricanes.

There and Back Again And Etc (no lame puns)

2005-08-19T14:29:00.001-07:00

The Business of the Festival Going Type Person

So, I was a little bit busy these past few weeks and all, with various types of stuff. Like, for example, I went on a very short trip (two days) to the Brasilia International Film Festival – for the ignorant, Brasilia is the actual capital of Brazil, and not Rio de Janeiro, or Pele (this is a human being) as I have been asked – which it’s about 120 miles from my city. What happened there was: I met with a couple of buds to watch the movies and try to invent new ways of maintaining yourself awake. I’m no stranger to festivals, but this time I decided to crank it up and watched 4 movies Saturday and 2 Sunday. Not a bad choice, as my buds only showed up for the last two sessions of Saturday – because, you see, they are not film geeks – so I would have been pretty bored on a 2 movies-per-day schedule (of which I’m used to).

There was a Kurosawa retrospective going on -- so I catched SANJURO (75) (this movie is so awesome) and RASHOMON (76) (second viewing; also quite awesome) – and a Nelson Pereira dos Santos (this the brazillian type filmmaker) retrospective – of which I saw HOW TASTY WAS MY LITTLE FRENCHMEN (52) (not all that tasty in my opinion), a bizarre Godard-meets-Herzog type thing. But the interesting stuff were the new ones. I saw my first Olivier Assayas motion picture (this dude has not released anything in Brazil outside festivals, specially if it’s a festival I did not attend), the “Maggie Cheung is the most amazing thing on Earth so let’s watch her cry, and yell, and smile, and be hot, and be angry, and use drugs, and sing (very badly) and be a Mother”, also known as CLEAN (58). I enjoyed it, but I guess I had higher expectations. I like the way he shoots; it’s half way between a Soderbergh on steroids and a hollywoodized Dardenne Bros. (hand held, fast and blunt moves and focus changing and etc). Also, dear god, I love Brian Eno but that must have been the worst use of his music I’ve ever seen, always coming off maudlin and cheesy. The buds disliked this one. Post screening dialogue:

Bud 1: That was pretty boring.
Bud 2: Yes, I almost fell asleep.
Me: I don’t know, I kinda liked it.
Bud 2: It got better when she was taking care of her kid.
Bud 1: The songs in this movie were fucking horrible.
Me: Dude, don’t dis Brian Eno.
Bud 1: But they were!
Me: They were badly used, I guess.
Bud 1: Oh, no kidding?
Me: But it’s not Eno’s fault.

So this is basically the amount of discussion this movie generated. I hope you are proud Mr. Olivier Assayas.

My last screening Saturday was the Wong Kar-Wai motion picture 2046 (probably high 40’s or low 50’s) or, as I like to call it, 2046: AN ODISSEY ACROSS ZHANG ZI-YI’S BODY WAS ALL THAT THIS MOVIE NEEDED, THANKS. I’m not really rating it because I, shamefully, fell asleep in the middle half, for about 15-30 minutes, enough for me to consider a partial-viewing. Hey, I was tired. And this played 10 pm. But I suspect that even with a full viewing, I wouldn’t go much higher than I already guessed there. My biggest problem with it seems more of a nitpick than anything else, but I though the type of slow-motion used in this was horrible. It wasn’t the fluid, soft slow motion of the IN THE MOOD FOR MAGGIE CHEUNG, but a low-frame-rate one, where it almost feels like stop-motion. This made all the musical sequences a pain in the ass rather than transcendental moments (as in the first one). Of course, I couldn’t possibly resist “Siboney” playing as Zi-Yi dresses herself, but that was an exception. I don’t wanna go in-depth, but this slow motion problem was not the only one I had: I saw what Wong was going for, with lots and lots of static, close-up shots and half the screen blocked out by a wall or door. It didn’t work though. Neither did the voice-over narration, trying to tie all the various (way too many) plots together – like Wong went way too far and didn’t know how it would all fit. What I did like were the hot women (hi Faye Wong, are you dating anyone, thanks) and the playful bits where Wong would hammer down the theme -- the awesome part where the Faye robot waits like 1 hour on the train, then like 10 hours, then like a 1000 hours(!); you see, she is stuck on the train of the emotionally stilted life. Post-screening dialogue:

Bud 1: This is the weirdest movie I have ever seen.
Me: Is that a good thing for you?
Bud 1: I don’t know.
Bud 2: I thought it was awesome, *because* it was so weird. I loved it. What did you think, Folco?
Me: I don’t know, I think I dozed off a couple of times.
Bud 2: You dozed off?
Me: Hey, give me a break, I’m tired, I’ve seen like 15 movies today.
Bud 1: Which part did you doze off?
Me: In the middle, I belive, during the Faye Wong robot sublopt.
Bud 2: You’re retard. You missed it. It was great!
Me: IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE was better.
Bud 2: What is that?
Bud 1: What is that?

Thanks, Wong, you have provided us with thought-provoking discussions.

Anyway, the real ass-kicker of the whole thing was TROUBLE EVERY DAY (77), or, as I like to call it, THE BEST VAMPIRE MOVIE EVER WITH SEX PERVERTS. I generally don’t like vampires as creatures, monsters, or the way they’re portrayed in movies, with all the romanticism and etc, so this was a welcome breath of fresh air, bringing both a more realistic look at vampirism (or cannibalism, which ever you prefer) and also a dreamy, hypnotic, surreal (and occasionally frightening) feel to it. The texture of the image looked beautiful (as Theo said in his review, “creamy”), and the awesome color contrasts – a lovely opening on a roadside field at (a very black) night, lit in a way that made the terrain and grass look yellow, or the blood-and-white-skin shots – and the gentle handheld camerawork, suggesting an erotic and macabre vibe. The “I wanna fuck you but oh no I changed my mind I’m going to suck your blood sorry” scenes are absolutely amazing. And although I can see why some would complain that his movie is essentially shallow and meaningless and an “exercise in style”, I’d have to disagree. It’s about The Difficulty of Monogamy (this is the best term I could come up with): two couples, each with one member affected by the vampirism. Vincent Gallo tries to restrain himself from letting his natural desires interfere with his recent marriage (although he feels it will have to happen eventually, it’s part of his nature to have a desire for blood (aka sex)). Much in the same way, the Doctor locks his girlfriend in his house, stopping her from going on a frenzy and making more victims (aka lovers). This is all pretty obvious but a fascinating subject, I think, and pretty close to what TROPICAL MELANIN was about (Love being a social justification for Wild Sexual Desires (or something like that)). With a streak of black humor and more (and more developed) ideas, this could’ve been a masterpiece. But it’s pretty close, so I won’t complain. Post-screening dialogue:

Me (thinking to myself, as my buds didn’t see this one): This was so fucking awesome, this was so fucking awesome, oh lord.

The Business of the Screenwriter Type Person

So I came back to Goiania and had this idea for a faux-realistic vampire movie with black comedy (“which wouldn’t really be like the Denis film at all”, I though to myself). Then I developed it a little bit, and gave up because I realized this idea would not be shootable on a ultra-low-budget. So I thought of another idea, and another, and another, and another, and they were all fairly developed (with the help from my writing partner) but all were given up. It’s been frustrating. I did finish the script I was working on (yay) and it’s awesome (The Dardenne Bros. do FRAILTY meets THE RETURN) but still pretty difficult to do – believe it or not, ladies and gentlemen, but it requires a goat. So there’s all the tremendous logistics: how do we actually *get* a goat? Do we buy it? How expensive is it? What do we do with it after the shoot is over? Eat it (poor goat)? Do we rent one? Are there any rentable goats? Do we borrow it from a farmer? Can goats travel on the back of trucks? Won’t they freak out and fall off? That would result in a major goat-related car crash. Etc.

And also, I know what you Panayidettes are thinking about this screenwriting business (and in about a year and a half, making that screenplay). “Does this guy thinks he’s actually going to make a movie? Does he thinks it’s actually going to be any good? Does he think it’s actually going to play at festivals? And people will enjoy it?”. Well, yeah. You gotta believe in it. Look at Theo with THE MALGAAT.

Speaking of THE MALGAAT, Theo recently provided me with the screenplay for this short movie, and he allowed me to post a small bit, which I thought was quite awesome and effective. So here’s a quick look at THE MALGAAT screenplay:

EXT. CYPRIOT HYENA FARM – DAY

It is a cloudy-type day. PAGAPOLOS, a short, blonde, twelve-year-old feeds the hyenas with hyena food. He takes a bit of hyena food (whatever that may be) with his palms and takes it to the hyena’s mouth.

A tall, bulky man approaches the kid. It is his father, ANGELOPOULOS, in his 40’s.

ANGELOPOULOS
Hey bud.

PAGAPOLOS
Hey dad bud.

ANGELOPOULOS
Hey what you doing there with all that hyena food, son?

PAGAPOLOS
I’m feeding these hyenas. They are animals. In a farm. You own a hyena farm. Did you forget?

ANGELOPOULOS
Yes I guess I forgot all about this hyena farm, since I had the amnesia and all.

PAGAPOLOS
That is ok. Now you know. I forgot you had the amnesia and forgot about this.

ANGELOPOULOS
That is also ok. Sometimes we choose to forget the past, because it is too painful.

PAGAPOLOS
That is true.
(beat)
Dad, do you still have the Malgaat? What did you do with it? Did you get rid of it?

ANGELOPOULOS
… I still got it.

PAGAPOLOS
Do you remember what it is used for? I mean jesus.

ANGELOPOULOS
I have a faint type recollection.

PAGAPOLOS
What are you going to do with it?

Angelopoulos stares at his son, worried.

ANGELOPOULOS
(beat)
I’m going to do what you normally do with a Malgaat type thing…

PAGAPOLOS
And what the fuck is that, dad?

ANGELOPOULOS
Watch your language.

PAGAPOLOS
(yelling)
And what the fuck is that, dad?!

Angelopoulos hesitates, and continues.

ANGELOPOULOS
I’m going to use it as a book holder.

CUE: Ominous music. A thunder roars in the sky. This scene is supposed to be awesome.

MALE VOICE (OFF SCREEN)
That is an awful waste of a Malgaat, considering it’s potentials, in my opinion.

Angelopoulos turns around to see a short, hooded man standing behind him.

It is film actor PAULY SHORE.

PAULY SHORE
C’mon, let’s put your Malgaat to good use. Now.

ANGELOPOULOS
Pagapolos, run to your mother. Tell her that film actor Pauly Shore is here and get the fuck out of dodge.

PAGAPOLOS
Holy fucking shit. Can I get his autograph. I mean jesus.

ANGELOPOULOS
Get the fuck out of here. Now! Goddamn you, Pagapolos! Now!

That’s all I’m going to give you guys so far but you can tell how great it is. Maybe next time I’ll post another part of this screenplay, but I don’t know if Theo will let me (he does not want THE MALGAAT to become THE SPOILERAAT). I was actually planning on posting something else related to THE MALGAAT today, but computer problems have stopped me from doing it. Don’t worry, I will be posting this “something else related to THE MALGAAT” in the next few days, possibly. This is all to build up the hype for this revolutionary short motion picture that will be coming soon.

RANDOM THOUGHTS:

*Yes, John Ford's THE HURRICANE *is* quite great. It was there on DVD at my video store and the first time I saw the cover I thought it looked lame. So the lesson is like "Don't Judge a Movie By It's Cover" and "Trust Theo Most of The Time".

*I'm halfway through the book "The Blind Watchmaker", which is going pretty great. Who knew biology could actually be interesting (!), let alone mindblowing (!). I'm also starting (one of the great brazillian writers) Machado de Assis' "Posthumous Memories of Bras Cubas".

*Also, Daft Punk Is Playing At My House, My House! All the furniture -- is in the garage! Great stuff.

*Brazillian filmmaker Glauber Rocha is a retard. I mildy dislike BLACK GOD, WHITE DEVIL but holy shit ANGUISHED LAND (or whatever it's called in the US) is crap. It's like a Pasolini movie made as if Pasolini had never actually *seen* any movie, ever. It's really bad. I gave it a 20. I may expand on request, but stay away from this in my opinion.

*I'll be posting my Top Ten of 2004 soon, but first I have to catch up on some stuff like THE HUCKABEES movie and THE LIFE UNDER WATER and RED LIGHTS and DUCK SEASON and THE KEANE and some other stuff. You see, Brazil sucks. The first two movies played in São Paulo and Rio, but not anywhere else. The next two played at last years SP Fest but they weren't scheduled while I was there. God knows if that last one is ever gonna play in here (though it sounds right up my alley). Also the new Mike Leigh motion picture.

*This post has gone on for too long. And I thought I wouldn't have much to say. What the fuck.

*I hate this Vern-acular type language. It is like awful. I mean, It's awful. No like! No type! Goddamn it.

*Are you happy Bruce Willis?

Guess what.

2005-07-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

Baaab is clearly awesome.

Proof that baaab is awesome

In 50 years THE WAR THAT IS BETWEEN NOT ONE BUT AT THE VERY LEAST TWO WORLDS will be topping those "Sight and the Sound and the Fury" polls, ahead of the Ozu and the Welles. Specially if the aliens arrive in the mean time.*

*or is it meantime.

Is it the terrorists?

2005-07-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

(watch out for those spoilers on my war of the worlds comments and also why haven't you seen the movie yet?)

No, it's not the terrorists, I've just been busy (and lazy) with other "more important" stuff than this, like writing a stupid screenplay and arguing with at least 800 people in at least 14 different places that, yes, WAR OF THE WORDLS is awesome -- more like WAR OF THE AWESOME, or, as Vern would say in his beautiful review, CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE KIND YOU WOULD SHIT YOUR PANTS(!!!). I've seen it twice so far, first an 80 and now it's like an 83. Yes, I truly believe that this is a Great Movie, one of Spielberg's best, the greatest Evil Aliens Invade Quick Duck And Cover movie.

I feel the critics have been leaning on the 9/11 subtext way too much and possibly ignoring the actual theme, which is "Morality in Wartime" (or something equally definitive-sounding). And there's plenty of proof throughout the movie that Spielberg is actually serious about this. I don't wanna repeat myself, so I'll just copy-and-paste something I said elsewhere:

"I don't get why people are saying WOTW is "empty-minded" or "shallow" ou "mindless roller-coster". Yeah, it is a roller-coster, but you can't ignore how actually brutal and unrelenting it is, specially in terms of "Morality in Wartime". The way the mob reacts towards Cruise and the family in the scene where they're trying to steal the van is already very disturbing (IMO), but lord, when the guy gets the gun from the floor and shoots the one who's stealing the van, it went to a whole new level for me.

The same with the crucial scene where Cruise murders Tim Robbins in the basement, for a little temporary safety. It completely surprised me, and made me realize that Spielberg was actually pushing some boundaries here, for such an "audience-friendly" movie. I think he was trying to comment on "Morality in Wartime", how the survival instinct immediately overcomes any kind of morals. Beginning with Cruise stealing the van, then not giving anyone a ride, the mob trying to steal the car, the guy shooting the thief so he can get in, the ship leaving the harbor with more than enough space for other people, and specially the murder of Tim Robbins.

There's also a balance, how unity and community and altruism can also occur: the Robbie character always wanting to join in on the fight, helping people get on the ship, joining the army, the nurse saying that there's more than enough blood and thanking for the donations, the scene where people get together pull Cruise out of the Tripod's "anus", etc etc.

I'd say the focus on the family dynamics pales compared to the way Spielberg constantly hints on his theme. And I'm not talking about the 9/11 subtext here (which is there, and a little obvious), but a real and powerful theme. In fact, I told my friends how I thought the people vs. people scenes were just as disturbing as the aliens vs people scenes, and everybody pretty much agreed.

I've seen it twice and it worked just as well both times. Love it. This is Spielberg's new Holocaust movie."

There's also complaints that the second half is inferior to the first. Maybe they forgot to watch the scene where the probing tentacle enters the basement, or maybe when the actual aliens come in, or maybe when Cruise kills Robbins, or maybe that beautiful shot of a field covered with red weed, or the electrifying Anal Sabotage scene in which Cruise single-handedly destroys one of the Tripods (boo ya!).

The only actual flaw I found in it were the opening and closing voice-overs by Morgan Wiseman, completely unnecessary and redundant and out of touch with "realism" and "you-are-there" feeling of the movie. The "saccharine" ending had a somber score by Williams, downplaying the triumph, and the anti-climax "solution" actually kind of ties in with the 9/11 subtext which the critics keep bringing up: the superior, more advanced aliens fail in their invasion out of lack of planning (i.e. Vietnam, Iraq, etc).

So I noticed Theo gave it a 69, which is a pretty good Honourable Mention-type grade, but I don't think he's gonna comment any time soon since he's all in the "fun-lovin' summer-mode", which brings up another question:

What does Theo do in the fun-lovin' summer mode?

Khansc has a guess: "He rents an area in a deserted beach and hosts the greatest rave Cyprus has ever known. TROPICAL MALADY plays repeatedly on a huge screen while Mike D'Angelo dances "Sangue Latino" (Latin Blood) from brazillian band Secos e Molhados."

My guess: "He opens up a bakery and cooks summery foods for his neighbors. When people enter the bakery, they greet him: "Theo!", to which he answers "Papalopagus!" (he, of course, knows every costumers' name). That "Zorba the Greek" song plays in the background."

PS: Soon after my first viewing of GUERRA DOS MUNDOS, me and my friends rented a Steven Seagal movie -- OPERATION SUNRISE or something to that affect -- and played a drinking game: everytime a character said "Yakuza", we'd drink a shot of pure vodka. We went through like 5 bottles before the half-way point, to which I can say: I will never drink alcoholic beverages ever again. Of course, I am also lying.

Not So Prim, er...

2005-06-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

Much-awaited comments for the Second viewing of "Primer" have arrived. Due to my deep involvement with this motion picture (i.e. due to how much I frickin' love it), I have been moved by an internal, nonsensical and surely naive force to try and defend it from Theo's arguably spot-on criticisms -- much in the same way a mother would try to defend her son from 36 Nazis with machine guns and hand grenades. No further response to the crap I'm about to write is necessary, bud (do it if you'd like, though); it's just an offer for a different (mostly useless and stupid) opinion, just so it's out there and stuff.

Let the embarrassment begin...

[Second viewing (May 2005)

I agree.

not quite the hoped-for revelation,

Oh, well.

though it does almost entirely 'make sense' now.

Goody!

No doubt it's opaque and hard to follow,

Two viewings and a lot of reading on the Shane Carruth website forum where a bunch of nice science geeks (and a certain dangelo) have thankfully provided extensive analysis on the narrative, the time-frame, how stuff works, etc. I pretty much get it, although a third viewing would seal the deal for good.

which is partly for good reasons and partly for bad;

Agreed, and the bad is what makes the movie lose it's 13 points short of a full 100. Sadly, it did not achieve such heights (it's ok, Shane, forgive and forget), but an 87 is mostly Favorite-material anyway.

the good include Carruth's highly original storytelling style, deliberately dispensing with highlighting or signposting - the most vital scene narrative-wise, the little flow diagram explaining how the Machine works, is easy to miss since it gets the same emphasis as the reams of speculative science stuff

Lord, yes.

Also, let me take a slightly more cliche approach and say that the "narrative implosion" in the last 25 minutes is possibly a "Form IS Content" thing. It makes the audience go through the same the time-whathafucking* and confusion and exhaustion and endless problem-solving that the characters go through. I just felt an enourmous sense of dread troughout this last section in the first viewing, a feeling of having lost control of reality, complete helplessness, getting lost in the mess of paradoxes. And it works on a scene-by-scene basis, even if you're not sure of what is happening. I heard "Time-travel tone poem"** used to describe this last section, which fits pretty well.

the bad mostly have to do with limited resources;

Probably.

Carruth's own performance lets him down at the pivotal moment when a 'double' is first glimpsed - his reading of "Who was that, Abe?" isn't up to the enormity of the moment (indeed, only on second viewing did I realise who "that" actually was)

I disagree. I must say, that is absolutely my favorite moment in the movie. It's such a sudden break from the reality of the rest of the movie -- the clock and the fungus were ominous but mild -- that its overwhelming. I was actually (yes) moved to tears by this scene, and specially Carruth's restrained but powerfull look on his face and the insecure way he says "Who was that, Abe?", almost as if his voice was failing on him.

I guess the "being moved to tears" part is personal. I just have a thing about movies that suddenly leap to the metaphysical -- like the box in "Kiss Me Deadly" or the tale of the lady with the tiger tail in the middle of "Tropical Malady". It gets to me. Hard.

The real question, however, is what purpose is served by the opacity - and my impression (unlike in, say, MEMENTO) is there's little underlying profundity, just a puzzle to be worked out;

I guess it can feel like that, but for me, the overall impact was so strong that the movie kept bouncing about in my head for days, and consequently, all the possible interpretations and metaphors and intriguing, but barely (or subtly) touched stuff. What kept me going the most was something Ebert mentioned in his review, about how when there are two (or three) Aarons, you don't really know which one is the real one (if there is a "real one"). Is it the one that came first? That got in the machine and went back in time? Or is it the one in the Past-timeline? Does it really matter, if eventually the two will merge again? How must the characters feel in that period of time where there's another one of you living the same day you just did?

I guess it's not of much use, since it's all based on being able to travel in time (although cloning might change that, since it brings up similar implications).

Gotta love that shot, though, where Aaron's driving around in his car through the city, with his arm out the window, feeling incredibly free and (maybe) happy or just plain surreal, like a "miracle" just happened and he's letting it all sink in. Wonderful.

Also, the Trust theme is a "been there, done that" case, but it still mostly works, and the growing tensions between Aaron and Abe are captivating.

even worse, the style works against the most intriguing aspect, which is the banal use to which the Machine is finally put (twisting Time so an engineer can get a moment of glory at a party). The key shot may perhaps be the early one showing the guys brainstorming in one room while Aaron's wife washes dishes in the kitchen next door, both activities given equal value - despite their fancy talk, these are mundane people living mundane lives, which is why they're unable to deal with the forces they unleash; ideally, the film should go the other way, getting simpler and more banal in its final section. Instead, by getting denser and more complex it takes its characters at their own estimation - and, by making the audience struggle to catch up, it makes them look cool, which is (surely) not the point.

Yes, that is the movie's most intriguing aspect, and it's smartest idea, although I disagree that it makes them look cool. By getting into something far more complicated than they could possibly handle, and specially the way Aaron fucks everything up just so he can feel Badass, and how he and Abe spend the last section of the movie like two geeks working desperately on a late physics paper which they completely forgot about but were able to get an extension of 3 hours from a generous (but stern) teacher IS pretty pathetic and sad to me.

I'd say the difference is that Aaron is even worse than the two geeks that forgot about the paper, cause it wasn't the geeks' fault (heck, they get A's in every single test, I'd say they can afford being a little absent-minded, no?). Aaron was just irresponsible and stuff.

There wasn't really a connection for me between how I felt about the character's actions and how Carruth excessively complicates the narrative. The complexity was reflecting their confusion (like I argued above), not their characteristics or abilities. I still go for the growing complexity over diminishing it. And the point the movie makes still feels valid, specially once you get to the anti-climatic scene at the party and see how banal it all really is.

The other thing I liked is the idea that Aaron has a rogue streak of violence (the line about punching his boss, and his wife's surprised reaction) which gets expressed in one of his many 'doubles' - it's like each 'double' is a subtly different version of himself, and the one who gets more of the violent streak ends up taking over the others;

This is why reading Theo pays off. You don't get stuff like this from anyone else. Hadn't thought about it, and never read it anywhere else, but it does make sense, specially in the way that scene in the end plays out, with one Aaron breaking into his own house and beating the first one, then the next Aaron beating the one that beat the first one. Theo's frickin' sharp.

still, there's no doubting Shane Carruth is Man of the Year 2004.]

Plus, he's hot.***

*I invented that term. You're welcome.

**I think it was Shane himself that said it.

***I'm not gay.

Será?

2005-05-30T18:53:00.000-07:00

Deep Thoughts

2005-05-27T14:08:00.000-07:00

*Apparently, on this Website, you can actually download great stuff like "His Girl Friday", "Charade", "D.O.A.", etc, legally, and at pretty high speeds. Thank you, GreenCine Daily, with all my heart, for showing me The Path. Anyone know if there's any other movies I should consider watching on that site? Recommendations, please, thanks.

*Apparently, Cannes was "solid", but not "great!". That may well be true, but with stuff like "Hidden", "Last Days", "Manderlay", "The Child", "Broken Flowers", "Tale of Cinema", "The Wayward Cloud" and etc, I can't help but get excited for the next Sao Paulo Film Festival in November (yeah, I live in a Third World country, we get stuff here after everyone else does, thanks for the sympathy), even though it's not dead set that all of these are gonna be showing. Hell, if we get "Hidden", I'm satisfied -- the trailer for this is so badass it's almost disgusting.

*Apparently, Theo gave Primer a 71. I wonder what he did with the rest of the 86 points it deserves. Maybe he'll add them later, after further consideration (ok, I'll wait for the review). He also smashed (THEO SMASH!) some obscure german (or is it?) movie with a vicious 10. Poor "MIN FEVGEIS" director. (Maybe in the future I'll actually make an interesting comment on Theo's site and criticism. Maybe)

*Apparently, Ryan Wu's recent postings on his blog about the subject of "Helper Guys", and the subsequent comments, are awesome. Hey, how about Peter Parker in "Spider-Man" and the sequel? It's a very clear case of Helper Guy-ness. Sam Shepard in "Days of Heaven"? Etc.

*Apparently, This is very useful. Props to the Jasonmeister Overbeckster.

*Apparently, Mike D'Angelo graded compatriot Fernando Meirelles' "The Constant Gardener" a 46. I read the entire shooting diary that Fernando kept on a brazillian site and had some hopes that it would turn out good (though it never really sounded particularly good), but I wuz wrong, or so it seems. Bummer.

*Apparently, I have seen only seven movies this month so far, while April was much more productive with a healthy mark of 23. What's happening to me? Am I getting sick of movies? Where have my movie-cravings gone? Is this a yearly-"vacation"-thing that cinephiles go through that I haven't gotten used to yet? Last movie I saw was a rewatch of "Far From Heaven" (which is very good, a 70). Maybe things will pick up again once I see another masterpiece or something.

*Apparently, a friend, at this exact moment, just gave me an idea for a possibly brilliant sci-fi comedy/drama. Thanks, friend.

*Apparently, no word yet on the possible Secret Movie Geek Chat Group location. Why I should be invited: I'll bring the "latin-american flavour" the SMGCG surely needs. And I promise not to invite anyone else (unless I'm bribed).

*This post is over (apparently).

Revenge of the Shit

2005-05-22T05:18:00.000-07:00

After you recover from the sheer idiocy of my pun on the title of this post, I ask you to explain why the hell is everybody enjoying this thing anyway. I like the old trilogy, and I like The Phantom Menace (I do), and Attack of the Clones was mediocre but watchable. Now, this piece of work is special. It sucked beyond any expectations.

Theo: 68? I have got to see your review of this one. I got home after the theater and went to Theo's site looking for updates and guess what? 68! What in the fuck. I kinda felt bad for disliking it so much, and probably will give it a second chance (after re-watching the entire saga again), but I don't see much hope.

Well, I wrote a review of it, and the review kinda sucks (as I suck in english), but I feel like I have to give my thoughts on this thing:

REVENGE OF THE SITH - 24

Off to a bad start: the first 20 minutes feel exactly like a videogame -- heroes invading enemy ship, destroying droids, saving Palpatine, killing the big boss Dooku; if Lucas had put a third-person following camera on the characters and released it for X-Box, this would’ve been the most realistic-looking game ever -- with very few actually dazzling moments (like the beautiful opening shot), which is bad for what is basically a prolonged action scene. Still, slightly enjoyable in an emotionally detached way, until the action stops and the characters start talking. Then it gets ugly.

The dialogue and acting are basically “third-grade school play” level, if the writer and actors of the third-grade school play were all retarded. Simplistic, boring, raw, mechanical lines and line-readings, a bunch of one-on-one conversations with crappy pacing and hardly any sense of movement and impulse, directed in a stale and rigid manner. And these go on for the entire second act. Not only is it badly written, directed and acted (a lethal combination), the characters are basically talking and trying to sort out a problem that we know the results and conclusions, which makes it even more frustrating, to the point where I couldn’t even stand looking at the screen for long periods of time. Good thing these conversation scenes are all shot with large windows in the background so you can look at the pretty cityscapes and skies and flying cars, as if Lucas was saying “Hey, if you don’t want to listen to Christensen working through the crap I wrote, check out those awesome ships in the background! Now, that’s technology!”.

Also, Lucas includes so many light saber battles that they lost any importance and anticipation. Remember when somebody turned on their light saber in the old trilogy and you knew Something Important was gonna happen? Well, that’s over now. And not only repetitive, they’re all boring. The Obi-Wan vs. Grievous thing is specially infuriating, cause Lucas introduces a robot with four arms and cuts off most of them in 15 seconds. Like, what the fuck? Also, why did Yoda lose that battle with Palpatine in the end if Palpatine had been easily beaten by Mace Windu? Is Mace Windu > Yoda? Or is Palpatine > Screenwriters? Also, didn’t it feel like a Super Mario adventure videogame when Obi-Wan and Anakin were fighting on those platforms over the lava? Like you had to get Mario to jump from platform to platform so he didn’t fall on the lava and die? Remember that?

Unnecessary scenes drag the movie down (what was the point of the battle at the Wookie planet?), the political subtext progressively sinks amidst the crap, the Ridley Scott moment -- with Padme and Anakin looking out their respective windows, shots of futuristic cities, faux-arabian music playing – doesn’t really work (although it could have, which makes it even more disappointing), etc. Only Ian McDiarmid and Samuel L. Jackson get a decent handle of the dialogue (making it seem slightly less atrocious), the first with classical grandiosity and the latter with restraint. The birth of Luke and Vader is unsatisfactory – good idea with the intercutting, but badly executed – when it should have been an intense, arresting, epic moment. Only the Yoda scenes save the movie – his “badassness” is unshakable, really – and he feels more alive than any other character (which is sad since he’s a computer program: Philip K. Dick was right after all).

I read somewhere an interesting analogy comparing the old trilogy with a debut album from a 70’s punk band and the new trilogy with a Creed album, and it makes sense. The old ones have an energy and naiveté that’s charming and captivating. The new ones feel artificial, formulaic. Compare the last shot of “Sith” (which was great, in theory) with Luke’s new parents in the desert watching the sunrise, and the shot it echoes, from “A New Hope” with Luke also watching the sunrise. Which one feels more alive?

(and I liked The Phantom Menace...)

Anyway, about a week ago I got a cool e-mail from Theo, which was flattering and all. I answered him, and re-read my e-mail like eight times after and sent it cause I got all self-conscious and kept wondering if I said anything stupid. Anyway, Theo's badass. He's like Yoda, in a way: wise and peaceful and charming, but he can kick your ass (when talking about movies). Although Theo wouldn't have lost the light saber battle to Palpatine at the end of "Sith". No way. Also, his short "Malgaat" got like a second place award at the Houston Film Festival, which is something Yoda couldn't say for himself. I bet Yoda wouldn't even get a third place.

I started reading "Catcher in the Rye", which is not popular in Brazil, but I wanted to see what the big deal is. Well, I read the first five chapters and it IS a lot of fun, the idiossyncratic first-person narration and Holden's accent remind me of Linda Manz's voice over in "Days of Heaven". Anyway, I gotta finish it. Also, "Black and White Town" from The Doves' new album is absolutely the best single of the year so far. Thanks for your time.

Theo-Related Quote of the Day
"Things to do while high: 1) read Theo's reviews (I laugh a lot and it's funny cause it makes TOTAL sense)..."
- Khansc

Theodorus Back In Action

2005-05-04T15:08:00.000-07:00

"Finally, Voice of Law demanded that Malgaat’s womb become
barren as a broken field. Tearfully, she agreed, and the
first females were born among the bulls and oxen.

Although her children did, Malgaat never served humanity.

She broke her oath, not just refusing to serve humanity,
but also continuing to eat the flesh of humans."

http://www.alabrax.com/exalted/fanworks/the_treaty_of_bulls.htm (WTF)

So, Theo, how did it go? Did you win anything? Did people like completely drool over it and then applaud with their hands dripping of drool and sperm and were like "It's Cyprus' response to Citizen Kane" and you were all "I'd rather not talk about the complex thematic implications of my work" in the Q&A? Did you meet Richard Linklater? Did you meet Shane Carruth? Did you get the "Primer"* DVD which you need to rewatch immediately? Did you meet producers and executives and distributors and pitched your idea on "expanding Malgaat to a full-blown Vampire-Mom-That-Continues-To-Eat-Human-Flesh-While-Her-Children-Try-To-Cope-With-It-And-Have-A-Normal-Childhood, set in 30's Houston with a Tindersticks score and photography by Harris Savides? If you didn't, then why the hell not?

Also, I trust you know we Panayidettes (yes, that is a term now) are hoping for a complete report on your trip and details on your movie (and where can I buy it) and idiosyncratic musings on life and culture in Houston and funny anecdotes about homeless people singing "Like a Rolling Stone" and Jonathan Rosenbaum saying your hotdog was both a masterpiece and a mannered curiosity, etc, stuff like that.

Btw, I'm having a rhinitis crisis (hope this is the correct term) today, so it has not been fun at all. Sneezing, my eyes are all teary (I lost some of you now), running nose, extremely unconfortable. I was hoping I would finish Philip K. Dick's "Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said"** -- which is fantastic so far, I'm almost finishing -- but that did not work cause I did not want to stain the book with mucus. I've been listening to Daft Punk's new album "Human After All", which is pretty minimalist and repetitive and kinda cheesy-80's-throwback-thing (even the video for "Robot Rock" is like that). These can be either good or bad things, depending on taste. I'm somewhere in the middle. Also, "Red River" is pretty freaking great. It's like a 79. Don't you love when Hawks pulls a 360°-pan showing all the cattle, and he stops it on John Wayne, who looks towards the camera and says "Take'em to Missouri, Matt!" and Montgomery Clift yells "Yeeeee-Haaaw!"? That was fucking Cinema, in my opinion. So, now you know a little more about me. Don't you see? I'm humanizing myself. I am Human After All.

*I can send you a downloaded .avi copy of Primer with very good image and sound, Theo. It's illegal, but hey, Primer will only be released in Brazil when the next solar eclipse hits (I'm making a wild guess here and seriously hope it won't hit soon, so that my analogy stands true). Do you want it?

**I can picture a pretty freaking awesome movie being made "Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said", but it would have to have been made in early 70's, with an early 70's Jack Nicholson as Jason Taverner and a dark Robert Altman doing it. Or maybe ir can be done now, with whatever equivalent of an early 70's Nicholson they can find (or maybe a Campbell Scott) and a Naked-like Mike Leigh doing it (or maybe an uncommonly loose David Fincher). It's an awesome book, really.

PS: I've been exhibiting my link on Theo's page to my friends, though most of the responses are of the "What the fuck is wrong with you, dude?"-variety.
Ordinaries...

Houston, We Have A Problem

2005-04-21T13:12:00.000-07:00

Wasn't planning on posting here today (was preparing a stupid essay on whatever, which will be comming soon), but some recent news caught me right off guard.

First of all:

"No updates for a couple of weeks, since I'm off to Houston for a few days (not to watch, but to be watched); normal service hopefully to resume in the first week of May."

And then...

Malgaat - Drama - 19:40 - 35mm - CYPRUS- Theo Panayides, Director

WHOA!

YAY for Theo! Oh, man, that is such good news. I don't know if this is Theo's directing debut -- I know he was into screenwriting -- but it's the first I heard of it, and it's definitely very exciting. I always wondered when these uber-hipster-pathological-cinephiles were actually going to start making the darn things. I have no idea what "Malgaat" may be about -- I tried googling it and came up with "Seahorse Films" and the Houston Festival site, and that's it -- but sounds very cool. I mean, look at the competition:

Magic Circle - Drama - 6:00 - DVD - UNITED KINGDOM - James Brailsford, Director - ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Yeah, whatever.

A Beautiful Life - Drama - 20:00 - DVD - USA - Kenneth R. Williams, Director - Uuuuuuh... No thanks.

The Silent Question - Drama - 16:13 - DVD - UNITED KINGDOM - Steph Busby, Director - No.

Now You See Me, Now You Don't - Drama - 29:55 - 35mm - HUNGARY - Attila Szasz, Director - I'll never you see you. Thanks.

The Good Daughter - Drama - 6:00 - DVD - USA - Curtiss Bradford, Director - Stay away from me.

The Porcelain Pussy - Drama - 15:00 - 35mm - CANADA - Denise Blinn, Director - Ok, this does sound mildly interesting, but it's no Malgaat.

I also noticed that Theo's masterpiece (c'mon, you know it is; it's like an 85, already) is scheduled in the "Shortly Strange" category. Hmmm, shortly strange. I like strange. It makes me giddy. Yo, Theo, be sure to try and upload the movie to the internet so we can all download it and be astounded.

And he shot on 35mm, so maybe there was some independent company backing it or something... I don't know. I wish I could know more about it. Plot details, language, etc.

Maybe someone could provide a link to this mysterious onlike geek chat group he hangs out (I don't believe it's a_film_by) so I can fish for information.

Btw, thanks Theo and Jason for linking. And it's not silly, but I can understand the "I-have-an-awesome-website-and-I-made-Malgaat-so-now-I'm-all-kinds-of-badass-not-just-one-kind" modesty.

PS: Theo downgraded "Not On The Lips" back to a 73. Now I'm positive he's just fucking with me.

Whoa, Weird Activity

2005-04-19T15:46:00.000-07:00

Hiya, I'm back.

So, I noticed that Theo saw "Memories of Murder" and "Not On The Lips" yesterday and gave them 75 and 73, respectively. So I thought, "Hey, nice movie-going-thingy day for Theo and etc". But then, as my buddy Khansc pointed out (buddy? that sounds gay), today he upgraded both movies by exactly one point...

WHAT

DOES

IT

MEAN

?

Did Theo have a headache or a dissapointing experience yesterday that caused him to slightly underrate both films? Or, maybe, he had such a nice day yesterday that the movies seemed less fulfilling by comparison.

Alternatively, maybe he was so bummed out by the Nazi Pope that he realized the importance of cinema in these days. Or, maybe, Selma Blair gave him a blowjob which put him in a generous mood and he proceeded to upgraded his recently seen films. (though I cannot confirm if Selma Blair actually is in Cyprus).

But that still wouldn't explain such precise simmetry in the upgrading. Maybe he found out about this blog and is trying to toy with my mind. Nice try, Panayides.

Anyway, I haven't seen either film.

I also noticed that Vadim Rizov posted my blog url on his blog; good going, buddy. It also appears (although I might be mistaken) that Jared Sapolin left a comment on the last post.

I quote Mel Gibson in "Signs": It's happening.

Oh, yes, almost forgot...

Theo-Related Quote of the Day
"Theo's so badass I opened his website, don't know what for, kept staring at it about 30 seconds, then closed." - Khansc

More interesting things coming up this week.

In other news, the love child of Anthony Hopkins and Robert Blake has been elected the New Pope.

A-hoy! - An Introduction

2005-04-16T11:37:00.000-07:00

As you may have already noticed, this is a blog about the latest adventures of Theo Panayides, the courageous. I also think it would be of interest to his fanbase to have a place where they can share thoughts, opinions and criticism on this most fabulous critic, Theo Panayides. There has never been such a place, and the fans, I imagine, are growing restless from holding back to themselves their enthusiasm (sp?) about Theo. And obviously he has such an enourmous (sp?) fanbase, so a place like this could be useful.

He's huge in Brazil, and here we enthusiastically (sp?) comment on his website's updates as much as we comment on the films themselves. For example, yesterday I was buying a ticket for "The Ring 2" and a complete stranger also buying a ticket by my side came up to me and said "Dude, like, why are you buying a ticket for "Ring 2"? Theo gave it a 39!" and I was all "He did? I was not aware of that. Do you remember what grade he gave "Hitch"?" and the stranger was all "If I'm not mistaken, it was a 56 [alas, he was mistaken, it was a 53. Fucker.]" and I was all "That sounds manageble (sp?), entertaining but not particularly successfull, nonetheless still worth catching, as Theo's 56 usually is."; but I didn't actually see "Hitch", because my friend wanted to get drunk so he called me and we went to the bar, but I'll catch it eventually.

And that's one of many many many cases of Theo's social presence in Brazil.

An example of a fan of Theo in Brazil: Pelé.

I hope Theo won't get mad at me for doing this. I know he's all jolly and nice and friendly and jolly (he was born in late-60s Cyprus , for God's sake. You can't get any jollier than that), so I hope he will take it well. (although I heard Jeremy Piven sued a fansite that had pictures of his penis, so anything can happen).

Another reason I'm doing this is because I feel like I should improve my writing abilities in english, with the Globalization and all, and this would be a good exercie. I also write screenplays, but I won't write them in english, cause then you would be pushing it (every character would sound rigid and pretentious like this). I can, though, write some cool 40's-style Hawksian banter. Check this out:

(a conversation I had with a friend on MSN after I'd just seen "The Sweet Smell of Success")

[18:09:52] Folco: dont you get me, son. We're running a company
here. It's not your mamma's bake sale. You gotta take it
like a man!
[18:11:19] Folco: Practice? I'm in for the real deal, kiddo.
[18:12:19] Folco: You're gonna get me working overtime!
[18:13:15] Buster Keato: If "real deal" means "lazy attempt at
sounding clever", you're in for a trophy, champ.
[18:14:01] Folco: No, real deal means getting your ass out of
the bed and getting some work done, you lousy piece'a shit,
you!
[18:15:11] Folco: In this town, you gotta make a living one way
or another, and you're neither way in, if you know what I'm
saying.
[18:16:07] Folco: dear christ, kid, you're slower than a Dingo
kid from New Jersey trying his suit on for the bar mitzvah
[18:18:17] Folco: You make as much sense as my lawyer in a coke
binge trying to catalougue the dictionary per vowel
percentage
[18:18:59] Buster Keato: Don't get me started on lawyers.
[18:21:13] Folco: I'm not a scoundrel or a loose-shoe, the best
of the best is good enough for me
[18:21:48] Folco: Now excuse me while I go make a buck
[18:22:09] Buster Keato: You don't know the meaning of "best", mister
[18:22:54] Folco: The best is walking into your house, stepping
on your Fanira sleek carpet and not worrying about getting
mud on it.
[18:23:36] Buster Keato: The day you get a Fanira sleek carpet is the
day monkeys start flying
[18:24:16] Folco: Well, Jack Francis is moving up the
corporate ladder on Falco's business, so that's one monkey
[18:24:38] Folco: And when I bust your guts, it's another
[18:24:44] Buster Keato: One monkey too much, that is
[18:27:06] Buster Keato: Mark my words: for you to bust my guts I will
have to be stone-cold in a metal bed, open form neck to
crotch
[18:27:39] Buster Keato: Then you can take my guts out and go to town

(feel the potential? I can also do 'ebonics' but that's a whole other story)

Still, I feel like I can improve more by practicing here every once in a while, so I'll give it a shot.

Oh, I'm also a cinephile.

So that's about it for now. Let's see when Theo updates the website.

PS: I did end up seeing "The Ring 2" and gave it an 18, which proves that following Theo's advice can be awesome.

PPS: Remember when Theo used to write all those occasional essays? That was awesome.

Testing

2005-04-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

One, Two, Three (Billy Wilder), testing...